I’m constantly glad I don’t have children. Sure, watching them grow up and experiencing love on that level is probably rewarding, but is it worth all the work? Before you answer that, think about how tired you are of having to entertain your children during the summer, then come back at me with your response. Chances are your kid has already maxed out your credit cards by downloading crap for Mine Craft or left those brand new $75 cleats at the softball field last week to never be seen again. Suffice it say that I don’t think affording children is very rewarding. Plus, if I had a kid that told me they were bored, I would probably flip out on them since I would relish 3 whole months spent at home doing nothing but watching TV, eating pizza rolls, and having my iPad glued to my grubby paws.
The City of Edmond, however, understands that you need to find new and interesting things to do with your spawn, and they have you covered this summer. According to NewsOK.com:
EDMOND — Parks and recreation department officials this week will launch Life Size Game Days, which will recreate popular board games and allow families to portray the game pieces.
The first game is Edmondopoly, to be held at 5 p.m. Saturday at Chitwood Park, one block east of Kelly Avenue between First and Main streets. The park is also known as rocket ship park.
The event is free, and participants will be given play money.
The parks department is partnering with local business owners to enhance the game days, said Diane Self, the city’s recreation programs manager.
“We will be using sidewalk paint to recreate a Monopoly board using local Edmond businesses that have purchased property spaces,” Self said.
“All businesses purchasing locations will have the opportunity to set up a table or tent to speak with the families who land on their property and will be available to take play money when families purchase amusement tickets.”
That’s cool, I guess. The worst board game ever, and you have to walk around and basically be the little metal hat with your parents? Sign us all up, Edmond!
But seriously, I guess it’s kind of a cool idea, and I’m sure a lot of time and effort is going into it. It’s just, well, Monopoly sucks. So, to make this better, I totally made a list of games Edmond should make lifesize at the park.
Plenty of parents want their kids to go into the medical field. What most parents won’t admit is that they would gladly let their children harvest organs to be sold on the black market if the pay was decent. Sure, it’s gruesome. But it will keep unsuspecting Edmond residents on their toes, and will forever instill a love of anatomy in the children.
Clue is probably the only board game I like, and I don’t even have the necessary problem-solving skills to win. But imagine how this game would play out life-size in Edmond! Was the crime committed at Oak Tree with the golf club? Or was it in Downtown Edmond with one of those creepy bronze statues of children? Maybe it was on Covell with an SUV. So many ways to commit murders!
Chutes and Ladders
I mean, they’re organizing this thing in a park. Parks are full of chutes and ladders. How was this not their first go-to game? That’s what slides are!
There is a Persian community in Edmond. I know. I’m was a part of it before I defected to Norman. This community would like to be acknowledged as they are responsible for the healthy business rice merchants and hair removal services do in that area. Honor them with backgammon.
We probably can’t make this one happen because everyone is already white.
Cards Against Humanity
The draw for this game is the politically incorrect things that come out of people’s mouths. So, wouldn’t it be funny if people just said all manner of off-color, racist, classist things in public? Just kidding. That’s already how people talk in Edmond.
Marisa has been writing for The Lost Ogle longer than she has ever held a real job. Follow her on Twitter @GentleMarisa.