The local media doesn’t want us to be worried about the Purge that isn’t happening…

the purge

Earlier this week, some internet hoax threatening a purge made its way to town. Normally, it wasn’t anything you’d take seriously, but fortunately for all of us, we have the Oklahoma City media to warn us about the non-threat and then tell us everything will be fine.

Via KFOR:

One of the latest internet hoaxes has some Oklahomans a little scared.

Images circulating on social media warned Oklahomans that a real-life version of the movie “The Purge” was set to take place at the end August.

In “The Purge” films, the government sanctions an annual 12-hour period in which any and all criminal activity becomes legal.

However, the images are part of a series of internet hoaxes most likely inspired by a Kentucky high school student.

According to KDVR, purge threats in Kentucky, Ohio, Florida, Michigan and Illinois were all found to be unsubstantiated.

So no worries Oklahomans, the real life purge is not happening.

I like how the KFOR Social Media Bandit mentions that some Oklahomans are “a little scared,” and then fails to interview or find one Oklahoman who is actually “a little scared.” They just simply posted tweets from people who were sarcastically laughing at the hoax. Seriously, who other than a Red Dirt Report reader is really worried that a real life purge is going to happen? Is it you, KFOR Social Media Bandit? Are you the one who’s “a little scared?” Did you write all this because you need assurance from others that it is indeed a prank?

If so, today’s your lucky day. KOCO sent Brian Schlonsky – yeah, that’s his real name – to Norman to investigate the “mysterious” flyers that even David Stanley would find sketchy. Here’s the video:

Okay, sorry about that KFOR Social Media Bandit. That’s a clip from the movie The Purge. It’s not real life. Mike Morgan isn’t going to get you.

Here’s a screenshot of the KOCO story. I can’t embed the video because KOCO doesn’t allow it. You’ll see they’re just as guilty as you are about spreading some false fear:

purge oklahoma

Boy, he even looks like a Brian Schlonsky, doesn’t he? He’s a big fan of the new form of investigative journalism called “drooling on camera.”

Anyway, just like the KFOR Social Media Bandit, Brian Schlonsky fails to talk with any real “concerned” residents. He just stands awkwardly in the wind outside the Norman Police Station, because that’s where you want to be during a purge. Hell, I bet Brian’s also legitimately concerned a purge is happening. Maybe we should hook him up with the KFOR Social Media Bandit? Their life would be full of adorable, you’re not going to believe this, paranoid moments.

Anyway, all this talk about the fake purge makes me think we should plan a real one. The only catch is that it should only involve members of the Oklahoma City TV news media and guns would not be allowed. That would be amazing on a couple of levels. First of all, imagine Kelly and Kent Ogle armed with pipes and broken glass bottles fighting to the death in a Bricktown Water Taxi while Linda Cavanaugh hunts down Paul Folger in the Omniplex. I’d pay to watch that. Plus, if we have a media purge it means we’d get to go at least one day without any local news reports or stories. Let’s make this happen.