KFOR is teaching Oklahomans about teenage texting language…

kids texting

Yesterday, the KFOR Social Media Bandit posted a clickbait story by CNN on their website about the texting acronyms kids are now using to talk about their genitals. The list includes 28 items that range in meaning from “Hey, my parents are in the room,” to more dangerous acronyms like, “I’m high on bath salts and want to show you my wiener.”

It’s a good idea to inform your children that taking nude photos and putting them on the internet can either ruin your life or make you super famous. But I would venture to say that if you are already reading your kids texts, maybe it doesn’t matter what the acronyms are… look for inappropriate photos, explicit messages, context, or Snapchat. These acronyms seem to only be used to solicit this behavior.

Here’s the list:

Acronyms can be used by kids to hide certain parts of their conversations from attentive parents,” Greer said. “Acronyms used for this purpose could potentially raise some red flags for parents.”

1. IWSN – I want sex now

2. GNOC – Get naked on camera

3. NIFOC – Naked in front of computer

4. PIR – Parent in room

5 CU46 – See you for sex

6. 53X – Sex

7. 9 – Parent watching

8. 99 – Parent gone

9. 1174′ – Party meeting place

10. THOT – That hoe over there

11. CID – Acid (the drug)

12. Broken – Hungover from alcohol

13. 420 – Marijuana

14. POS – Parent over shoulder

15. SUGARPIC – Suggestive or erotic photo

16. KOTL – Kiss on the lips

17. (L)MIRL – Let’s meet in real life

18. PRON – Porn

19. TDTM – Talk dirty to me

20. 8 – Oral sex

21. CD9 – Parents around/Code 9

22. IPN – I’m posting naked

23. LH6 – Let’s have sex

24. WTTP – Want to trade pictures?

25. DOC – Drug of choice

26. TWD – Texting while driving

27. GYPO – Get your pants off

28. KPC- Keeping parents clueless

First of all, I was taught that acronyms are initials that make words… like LASER, RAM, MAD, etc. Most of the items above are examples of initialism. But whatever, the English language is a constantly evolving thing, yadda yadda yadda.

Second, what a shitty list. It was nothing like The Da Vinci Code. Did the authors of this article just make stuff up? Seriously, when did “POS” stop meaning, “Piece of Shit”?

Out of all the items on the list, my favorite is GNOC (get naked on camera), it takes me back to those days of things I wished I could have asked a girl to do in high school. When I was a kid, you couldn’t text a girl to GNOC. The only thing you could do was man up and ask her bra size on the phone and then pretend to understand what 32B even meant.

Seriously, kids today are pervs. I think we’ve found the reason for our teen pregnancy problems. Just like when I was in high school, all they want is sex! It’s like they are human beings, driven by hormones or something… weird. But this article doesn’t show the flip-side of this issue, which is that maybe parents don’t want their kids understanding their text messages. So I have devised a list of words for Oklahoma parents to use to keep their children clueless (KCC)…

1.) HLBC – Hobby Lobby Birth Control, otherwise known as the old “pull out” method of birth control.

Example: I don’t have time to run to the drug store before the kids get home. Don’t worry, I’ll HLBC it.

2.) BFF – Braum’s Forgot The Fries.

3.) PRON – You know, those giant shrimp things.

Example: This banquet has PORN! Oops, PRON…damn autocorrect.

4.) David Stanley – Another term for getting screwed financially.

Example: Christmas is going to suck this year, my boss really David Stanley’ed me on my bonus.

5.) FALLIN – Painted eyebrows

6.)  KD35 – Kongested driving conditions on I-35. Example: I’m going to be late, stupid KD35.

7.) BOOST – Babe, out of shit tickets (toilet paper).

8.) IOKTOOGLAH? – Is our kid the only one getting laid around here?