Breaking down Oklahoma’s Google tendencies…

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Last week, Marisa took a satirical look at the report that listed the most Googled items by state for 2014. Since TLO is a disorganised cluster fuck with poor leadership, and Patrick sent me this story without telling me Marisa would be writing about it, I thought I’d also share my own views on the topic.

To recap, the website Estately posted some clickbait that listed the most searched for things on the internet by state for 2014. Surprisingly, Oklahomans searched for things like Ebola, and Ebola symptoms, which is about as close as some of us will get to healthcare since Governor Fallin didn’t expand Medicaid. I’m pretty sure you don’t need to know the symptoms of Ebola. If you ever find yourself bleeding from the eyes and anus, skip Web MD and go see a doctor. Even if you can’t afford it, don’t worry… us taxpayers will pick up the bill.

Of course, Ebola doesn’t look so bad when you see what other state’s searched. Heck, Kansas didn’t search anything. It’ll be sweet to see what happens when they get the internet. And then there’s poor Utah. They’re still searching for those nonexistent Emma Watson Nude photos. Sad.

In addition to Ebola, here are the things we searched for in Oklahoma more than any other state. Some of the items my surprise you:

  • Ebola
  • Ebola Symptoms
  • I.S.I.L
  • Jennifer Lawrence photos
  • Renee Zellweger (actress)
  • Betty White (actress)
  • Lea Thompson (actress/director)
  • Tommy Chong (comedian)
  • Mila Kunis baby
  • Carrie Underwood (recording artist)
  • Carrie Underwood pregnant
  • Benghazi
  • Hobby Lobby
  • Selfie
  • Sarah Goldberg (actress)
  • James Garner (actor)
  • Chelsea Handler (comedian)
  • Kim Kardashian butt
  • What is a switch?

We break this list down after the jump…

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What is a switch?

Seems pretty simple to me. I guess it could also be the thing pro football players use to discipline their kids. If you are like me, and drafted A.D. in your fantasy football league, you probably Googled a “switch” as a way to say, “Adrian doesn’t deserve to be punished! It’s just a tiny stick!” But then the photo’s came out and you realized you were going to have to drop your first round pick.

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Jennifer Lawrence photos

Going down the list, it’s good to see Oklahomans are more concerned about the terrorist group I.S.I.L than seeing pictures of Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs. Maybe there is hope for us.

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Renee Zellweger

“Hey, everyone crowd around the computer and look at how this lady destroyed her career like Jennifer Grey!”

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Betty White

Is she still alive? I guess people were just checking… or searching for nude photos.

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Lea Thompson

It’s good to know I’m not the only Caroline in the City in Oklahoma. That being said, how did she get searched more than the Duck Dynasty daughter? I know she was on Dancing With The Stars, but most people who watch that live in Kansas and don’t have the Internet.

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Tommy Chong

This was probably the workings of Scott Pruitt. I bet he’s trying to lure Tommy to Oklahoma so he can make a big celebrity arrest.

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Mila Kunis Baby

As if you need another reason to hate Ashton Kutcher’s child. This was basically a plot from That 70’s Show come to life. The child will be beautiful and won’t be able to act.

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Hobby Lobby

So, it’s a business, but it’s also a religious organization or something. They don’t have to pay for certain types of birth control, but let’s be honest, anyone working around all that imported Chinese lead-filled crap probably is unable to have a child anyway.

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Selfie

I really hope this search is about the thing… not the show. Because like the thing, the show Selfie is probably only enjoyed by the people who are in it.

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Sarah Goldberg

The actress was hot, smart and died earlier this year at the age of 40. Not sure why Oklahomans were so interested in her.

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James Garner

Yeah, James Garner died as well. But he had Oklahoma ties. He should have been searched more than Sarah.

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Kim Kardashian butt

This glob of mass tried to break the internet, but failed. Oklahomans searched to make sure their internet provider was going to be able to handle the bandwidth, I’m sure. If you get tired of looking at her but, remember she practically produced her own sex tape scandal to become famous in the first place.

The dumb people in Oklahoma outnumber us, so think before you search. Or, we should try to make funny topics a top searched thing in Oklahoma, something like “Mary Fallin Hemorrhoids.” That would be great. Or, “Hoodies give Sen. Barrington an erection.”

Anycrap, follow me on Twitter – @SpencerLenox. Or leave any ideas for search items we can get on this list.