The last time we told you about ignoramus Tate Publishing CEO Ryan Tate was back in November of 2014 when he appeared as a "Small Business Expert" on Fox News Business. Since then, he's made several more appearances on the Fair and Balanced news network, blubbering about topics ranging from the Apple Watch to the California droughts...
WTF, I bet this is how the Fox News production meeting went down...
"Hey, who are we going to book to talk about the economic impact of the California water crisis?"
"How about that CEO from Oklahoma who attained his position via birthright, prayed with and then fired a bunch of employees, and outsourced a big chunk of his company's jobs to the Philippines? He'd be good."
Seriously, are the producers at Fox News really that dumb or do they not have the Internet? How low does this TV talent barrel go? What's next, MSNBC bringing aboard Joe Exotic to talk trade deals with China?
To help get Ryan on the fast track to "Celebrity CEO" stardom, Ryan and his handlers created a new website called RyanTateCEO.com. The site serves as a "Ryan Tate Online Press Kit," but is best viewed as a masterpiece in total denial.
Just check out the little blurb on the front of the site:
So, the guy whose only claim to fame in the business world is screaming and yelling at his employees and co-workers claims he's a strong speaker and commentator. That's hysterical. In other news, Aaron Tuttle is currently writing an essay titled "How To Handle Criticism Well."
Seriously, does Ryan Tate really believe this stuff? Has he not listened to the audio tape of the meeting where he fired all those people? Dear God, I bet he hasn't...
Ryan Tate CEO, please, if you're reading this, stop what you're doing and listen to the clip below. Let me explain. After leading a group prayer, you accosted, bullied and threatened your company's employees because some of them discussed their job security with coworkers, and then in an act of pure, unadulterated cowardice, used their concerns about their paycheck as an excuse to "justify" firing 25 people who you were getting rid of anyway:
See what I mean, Ryan? I think you should stick with running a vanity press in the Philippines or wherever.
There are some other unintentionally funny things on the RyanTateCEO.com website. This cracked me up:
Ignore all the shit "Ryan has to say," which is probably the best advice I'll ever give you, and take a second look at that photo. Look familiar? If so, you're a TLO Rain Man because it's the same one we created and used in this post from 2013!
Yeah, Ryan Tate stole a screenshot of himself from The Lost Ogle. What's funny is that I remember using that screen shot because he looked extra douchie. I totally forgot douchie sells on Fox News, which means I may have inadvertently helped advance this Ryan's career. I bet Fox News executives were excited to see that an obscure blog noticed one of their obscure hosts so they brought him back. That's not the first time something like that has happened. I'll write about Ryan's story and others in my new book "Good Things That Happen To People We Don't Like." If I can come up with $4,000, it will published by Tate Publishing.
Back to "What Ryan Has To Say." I think the first quote is aimed at us. The second quote is something about how "effort, attitude and faithfulness" are keys to a successful life, which means Ryan must have forgotten about nepotism. The third was some Ayn Rand Atlas Shrugged drivel.
In this spot, Ryan highlights his media experience:
That cracks me up. Expertise in business, healthcare, politics and even sports! I like how they threw that in there at the end. I bet the day Ryan and his publicist conjured up his areas of "expertise" was very similar to this scene from Seinfeld, only not as funny:
Speaking of publicists, I found this at the very bottom of the site:
I don't know a thing about Key Marketing Group. According to some former Tate Employees, it may be co-owned by Tate Publishing, or at least the owners are BFFs with the Tate Family or something. In all honesty, I don't really care. I think they're cool people because they included this hi-res press press photo from the annals of over-photoshopped hell:
Which means we can do stuff like this...
I hope we don't hear from Ryan's copyright attorney who specializes in copyright law! If you're a former Tate Publishing Graphic Designer who was lied to and had your job shipped off to the Philippines, send us your own photoshop creations. We'd love to publish them.
Anyway, this concludes our breakdown of Ryan Tate the CEO's new website. If you ever need a good laugh, you now know of a great website to visit. You're welcome.
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