What goes on in the Mathis Brothers As-Is section after hours?

mathis brothers III

One of the dreams of every TLO writer is to be a fly on the wall. We’d love to know what the hell Mary Fallin does on the daily, and I would love to watch Steve Shaw go grocery shopping because I imagine he hulks out when he gets confused by mayonnaise prices. But we can’t always see what goes on behind the scenes, until now. Because in case you didn’t know, Mathis Brothers has a live stream of their As-Is section.

According to MathisBrothers.com:

In our Clearance Center you’ll find amazing low prices on sofas, chairs, recliners, mattresses, coffee tables, dining room tables and chairs, beds, dressers, mattresses, and whatever else happens to be there on the day you happen by. Take a look on our Clearance Cam, that runs live every day from 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. CST.

Really? Low prices? Is that all we’ll find? I don’t think so. There’s a reason they cut the stream at 9 PM. And don’t come at me with nonsense about how they cut the stream when the store closes because we all know that’s garbage.

Side note: I’m not going to mention anything about hamsters. I know that’s where you want the joke to go. But I won’t do it. Nope. No mentions of hamsters, and what the Mathis Brothers are doing with them in the As-Is section of the store after dark. I also won’t say anything about how the furniture is in the “as is” section because the hamsters have bitten into the fabric.

But what I will say is this. There has to be something going on in the Mathis Brothers As-Is section after 9 PM, otherwise the stream would continue, and we could look at marked down sofas all night long because that actually sounds better than like 80% of my Netflix list. Seriously. I don’t need to watch Peaky Blinders for a seventh time, though I’m sure I will since I can’t watch this live stream after 9 PM.

Aside from the aforementioned hamsters that I wasn’t going to mention, I have a feeling that the Mathis Brothers sales team roams the sales floor at night looking for fresh blood. When they don’t have browsing customers to chase through the store, they start to get antsy. They must feed by making the hard sell. So when the store closes, they are the only ones left and they prey on one another.

It’s just a horde of bloodthirsty salespeople asking each other if they can help each other find anything. And hamsters that I’m totally not going to mention.

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6 Responses

  1. Gerbils. Not hamsters. Same as the other 5 cities in America where that urban myth was running rampant with other principals.

    1. I trust that a guy with “poo” in his screen name knows all about this topic.

  2. “Ass-is” section :giggity:

  3. I think I know now how some of those rocker recliners got so banged up and wound up in the “Ass-is” section (PTSD flashback and I really should buy a new one someday).

    Instead of trying to profit off of some overly-busted furniture, why not donate it to a group that uses disabled workers to rebuild it and let them sell the “gently used” items?

  4. First Marisa’s Hahn Appliance Warehouse nonsense, and now this? That’s it, I’m deleting TLO from my bookmarks bar.

  5. And now….the live cam is shut down. See what you guys did?!?

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