KFOR has finally learned about marijuana gummies…

chellie mills

One of my favorite KFOR coworkers is Chellie Mills. She’s sweet and adorable and the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Although this pisses off Abby Broyles, everyone else loves it. For example, on the last Friday of each month Chellie will prance around the entire compound handing out fresh homemade biscuits and butter muffins from a gigantic basket she bought at Hobby Lobby. Sometimes, she even lets Gaylon Culver help. It’s why Lance West always refers to Chelli as “Biscuit Betty” whenever he cuts to her for a live report. It makes sense now, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, Chellie is so sweet and nice that she’s a bit naive and sheltered. If you need proof, check out this report she filed yesterday. Apparently, she just learned that THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, can be put inside candy and chocolate bars.

Via KFOR:

Gummy bears and chocolate bars laced with marijuana were found in the suspect’s vehicle.

It’s a problem officials said parents need to be aware of.

Deputies said the candies were packaged similar to items you may expect to find at any gas station or grocery store.

In this case, those candies were full of THC.

“It’s getting a little tougher to tell what’s what,” said Mark Opgrande with the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office.

The bust was made earlier this month along I-40.

The suspect, Nathaniel Rock, was pulled over for not having a license plate.

“He didn’t have a story on where he was going, where he was coming from,” Opgrande said. “The deputy got suspicious and called a K9 out there.”

Before we continue, I have some advice for all my friends… errrr… criminals…. who bring marijuana back from road trips to Colorado. First of all, please make sure your car has a license plate. Second, have a believable story as to where you’re going and why, because apparently that matters when a cop pulls you over. I’d suggest saying you’re on your way to Walgreens to get a new lice treatment comb. Third, hang a couple of suit jackets in the backseat. That way law enforcement officials will think you’re a middle-class professional and really not give rats ass if you’re bringing back marijuana or not. Fourth, come over to my house and let’s hang out.

The one thing Chellie’s story is missing so far is some old-fashioned, TV news-generated fear, so let’s cue to Oklahoma’s most notorious fun hating moralist, Mark Woodard:

Inside the car, there were baggies full of marijuana, candies infused with THC and even a THC-infused vaping liquid.

“The gummy bears look like gummy bears,” Opgrande said. “You put them in a bag, and no one would be the wiser.”

“Teenagers have openly bragged that they’re sitting in math class or on the bus eating these candies,” said Mark Woodward with the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics.

Man, high school kids today get all the breaks. Back in the 1990s, we had to go home for lunch to get stoned and make algebra tolerable. Now kids get to eat gummies. Lucky bastards. I hope they’re cool and share some with their bus driver.

Anyway, that was a pretty standard “High School Student” scare tactic. Let’s see what angle Woodward takes to frighten parents, or better yet, grandparents with dogs:

 

OBN officials said it’s risky because these products have such high levels of THC.

“As many as one or two gummy bears could be enough to send a small child to the hospital,” Woodward said.

Woodward said there have been numerous reports in Colorado of young children and even animals eating the candies and becoming very sick.

Yeah, one or two marijuana gummies can send a kid to the hospital. I guess marijuana has more in common with Tylenol that we thought! Actually, I’m joking. Marijuana doesn’t kill or hurt people. Tylenol does. I can’t wait to see Chellie Mills talk to Mark Woodward about that!

Anyway, I have some warm biscuits to eat, so I guess you can watch the entire KFOR report here. Just to be clear, I do not think kids should use marijuana. Just like any other legal or illegal drug, it does have some side effects. It should be up to responsible (and irresponsible) adults to weigh the risks versus the reward. I guess I just long for a fantasy world where the local media provides honest, responsible reporting on the issue, instead resorting to cheap scare tactics and demonizing the substance to appease the overzealous moralists at OBN who long for a police state.