We've got some ugly match-ups to be decided this morning. Are Teachers more important than Kevin Durant? Does Chicken Fried Steak have what it takes to rumble past Earthquakes? Is anyone willing to throw some money down and make this interesting?
Sorry, my bookie was just calling. If I don't pay up all that money I owe after the Hipster Prince of Edmond shit the bed in the first round. Ray Ray is gonna take it out of my kneecaps. As long as he doesn't break my hands, I'll keep these sweet OMIX posts rolling...
(1) Kevin Durant vs. (5) Teachers
(2) Chicken Fried Steak vs. (3) Earthquakes
Vote!
(1) Kevin Durant vs. (5) Teachers
(1) Kevin Durant
Round One: Defeated State Budget Crisis
Round Two: Defeated Abigail Ogle
Who He Is: The new guy in the Sonic commercials
Biggest Strength: Can drop buckets on any living animal, mineral, or Terminator
Biggest Weakness: Expiring contract
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(5) Teachers
Round One: Defeated Oklahoman Editorial Board
Round Two: Defeated Skirvin Bedbugs
Who They Are: Sad, underpaid individuals that are responsible for thousands of children
Biggest Strength: Can ruin generations of Oklahomans through their cynicism
Biggest Weakness: Will eventually move out-of-state/commit suicide
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(2) Chicken Fried Steak vs. (3) Earthquakes
(3) Earthquakes
Round One: Defeated Carol Hefner
Round Two: Defeated Michell Dobyne
What They Are: Seismic reactions triggered by wastewater injection
Biggest Strength: Could knock your whole motherfucking house down
Biggest Weakness: Hasn’t spawned an Okie-centric “Twister” style movie yet
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(2) Chicken Fried Steak
Round One: Defeated Galleria Furniture Girl
Round Two: Defeated David Boren
What It Is: Not chicken, barely a steak, all the way delicious
Biggest Strength: Smothered in gravy
Biggest Weakness: Leading cause of heart disease in Oklahoma
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