The 10 worst places to have a bachelorette party in the OKC Metro

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Luckily for me, my days of bridesmaiding seem to be over. All my good friends are married off, and I don’t anticipate making any new good friends prior to their nuptials. (This isn’t because I purposely don’t make friends with single women  who are on the verge of marriage. This is because I purposely don’t make friends.) Even so, I did my time as a bridesmaid multiple times, and I definitely did more than my fair share of bachelorette partying.

Because of this, I consider myself an expert in the fine art of debauching about with a group of women. And as such, I am uniquely qualified to bring you this list of the 10 worst places to have a bachelorette party in the OKC Metro.

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10. Suger’s

This is only on the list because I’ve been a part of a bachelorette party that wound up here. Imagine, if you will, a group of 5 young 20-something women dressed in their finest Forever 21 garb wandering into Suger’s. Now, imagine the 3 patrons of that establishment watching as said 20-something women take a seat. Then, the two dancers scheduled to work that evening functionally taking a break because no one was watching while we consumed our pitcher of beer. Then we got the hell out.

Had Suger’s been busy, I don’t think it would’ve been an issue. But that’s the thing. Suger’s is never busy.

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9. The Casino

In theory, this is a great idea. There’s alcohol, bright lights, and tons of things going on. However, it’s my experience that casinos are downers on par with Benadryl. If you want your party to call it a night by 10 PM, then definitely go the casino route. But know that someone in your party will probably have a gambling problem, and as such, will probs keep asking you for some cash throughout the night.

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8. Michael Murphy’s Piano Bar

“But Marisa,” you say, “surely you know that every bachelorette winds up here. The piano players sing to at least five brides each Saturday night!”

That’s why it’s on the list. You don’t want to be the maid of honor who brings your bride to the location of six other simultaneous bachelorette parties, do you? Also, do you really want to keep laying $20 tips on those piano players so they sing more songs to your bride? No. That’s the real issue.

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7. Pole Dancing Class

I go to bachelorette parties to drink, not to be reminded that I lack any sort of upper body strength. Also, if I wanted to work out, I’d go to the gym. Don’t invite someone to a party and then make them workout.

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6. A Party Bus

Sure, a designated river is a great thing. And it’s definitely good to keep the whole group together so that no drunken stragglers get lost. But the problem with the party bus is that you arrive at the bar already wasted. And since

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5. The Hookah Bar

Firstly, you know that tobacco is fun at the time, but it really makes for the worst hangover. Secondly, do you really want to spend the evening sucking on a hose while wearing a necklace made of rubber penises?

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4. The Copa

The Copa is a great bar, and I love dancing there. And while I’ve never felt unwelcome there, I don’t feel right taking up too much space in a place that serves as a haven for gay men, lesbians, and other queer people. So, to bachelorette parties, if you happen to find yourself here, remember that for a lot of Oklahomans, places like the Copa are a safe space. Don’t make that safe space about you.

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3. A District-Wide Bar Crawl

You know that no one in the party is going to wear the right shoes for that.

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2. The HiLo

Now, I enjoy a good dive bar just as much as the next gal, and firmly believe that more bachelorette parties should take place at dive bars. But the thing about bachelorette parties is that you keep drinking, and then, eventually you have to pee. Do you want to do that at the HiLo? Nope. You do not.

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1. At Someone’s House for Male Strippers

Look. We all got a kick out of Magic Mike. But you have to know that in your heart of hearts there is no Channing Tatum lookalike that’s going to show up to your house. Best case scenario: You get a good-looking dude that’s way too into crossfit. He will not have the charming back story of Magic Mike. This guy won’t want to build furniture out of industrial parts.