Edmond Cop In Trouble For Going Nude At Lake Arcadia

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The human body is a beautiful thing. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are large, some are small, some are blanketed in thick, downy hair. Others are bespeckled with moles and pockmarks that look weird and should maybe get checked out by a doctor. My body is like a tube of pink Play-Doh that was rolled over a cat’s bed. It’s disgusting, so I’m in no position to judge anyone else.

It would be wonderful to see an easing of attitudes surrounding natural and nude bodies. After all, we’re born with this weird equipment, and we all know what it looks like and how it functions, so what’s the problem in being comfortable in our own skin?

With that in mind, I don’t feel like drunk cops out at the lake are the best activists for this cause. From KFOR:

EDMOND, Okla. – An Edmond police officer is on paid administrative leave after a charge of outraging public decency was filed against him.

On July 23, police say Colter Morey openly outraged public decency by taking off his swimsuit at Lake Arcadia, allegedly exposing himself and boarding another man’s boat uninvited.

According to court records, witnesses reported that Morey and a girl on the boat were attempting to switch bathing suit bottoms.

At some point, Morey reportedly told the man, “I am Edmond PD, I can do what I want,” the police report states.

The man told police that the nudity wasn’t a big deal to him, but what bothered him is that Morey stepped onto his boat uninvited and even allegedly took pictures of the man’s boat numbers.

Other witnesses at the scene verified the man’s account of what happened.

First of all, it must take massive balls to allegedly walk on somebody else’s boat with the line, “I am Edmond PD, I can do what I want.” I thought they were only allowed to do that when pulling over motorists on Broadway. Surely, the anonymous witness can attest to the size of the huevos in question, but they must be either the size of medicine balls or shriveled up like raisins in the sun.

We conducted some crack research on Mr. Morey. We learned his claim to fame as an Edmond policeman is rescuing a duck from a storm drain. We also found a photo from his private Twitter account that may have been taken the day of the incident, right before he switched into a girl’s thong… 

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Listen. Most of us have gotten drunk and acted a fool at some point in our lives. But most of us haven’t taken on the role and responsibility of policing their peers. The judgement required in the profession leaves little room for juvenile antics. If these charges are true, maybe it’s time for this guy to transition to a life as one of those “hot cop” stripping telegrams, and abandon the force for good.

Also, it’s incredible what kind of things police can get put on paid administrative leave for. They can shoot and kill innocent citizens and still get paid, so maybe this shouldn’t be too surprising. If it came out that I was waving my dick around on a boat at Arcadia, I’d probably just get fired from my job without any further questions. Even Patrick might not want anything to do with a lake-going dick-swinger, banishing me to a life as a copywriter for Autotrader or :shudder: So6ix.