10 Possible Cabinet Positions for Mary Fallin…


As we all know, Mary Fallin is a finalist for a position in Trump’s cabinet. Yesterday, Tweedle Dee and Trumple Dum met to talk about things.

Via NewsOK.com via The AP:

Gov. Mary Fallin met with President-elect Donald Trump in New York City on Monday morning and said afterward that she was not offered a job in his administration.

“It was just an initial meeting to discuss a wide range of topics,” she told reporters gathered in Trump Tower.

She said, “We discussed a wide range of issues and his plan and agenda for America and how I might be able to help. It was a wonderful discussion, really enjoyed it, very excited about the administration and all of the wonderful things that will be done for America.”

According to her own staff, Mary is being considered for a job in the Department of Interior.

Fallin spokesman Michael McNutt said Monday, “Governor Fallin was asked to meet today with President-elect Trump and Vice President-elect (Mike) Pence to discuss possibly serving in their administration.

“There has been no offer given, but the governor is willing to listen. The conversation included the Department of the Interior, which oversees several agencies important to the state, such as the U.S. Bureau of Indian Affairs, the U.S. Bureau of Land Management and the U.S. Geological Survey.

Get ready for man-made earthquakes and tribal casinos at all national parks, America. Mary Fallin is coming to a Dept. of Interior near you!

Or maybe not. There are other candidates for the position. If Mary can’t land the Secretary of the Interior gig, here’s a list of other cabinet positions she’s qualified for…


1.) Secretary of Interior Design

As you can see, Mary Fallin is pretty big fan of gold. I’m sure Trump will respect that.


2.) Secretary of Wastewater Disposal

Most scientists agree there is a correlation between wastewater disposal and earthquakes, which as we all know means only God can save us now.

Mary’s experience working with energy companies to pump as much wastewater in the ground as possible will come in handy as fracking expands to all corners of the US under a Trump presidency. Trump will need a person in his corner to say things like “The science isn’t settled” or “we’re working to address the problem.”

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3.) Secretary of Adult Children Still Living at Home

Listen, it’s rough out there. If I could move back in with my parents, I would in a heartbeat. Mortgage, student loans, kids, food, laundry… all that crap takes its toll on my already meager bank account. Since Mary knows a thing or two about having adult children live with her on the taxpayers’ dime, maybe she can figure out a way to help out the nation’s poor adult children!

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4. Travel Secretary

Mary Fallin loves to travel, just as long as it’s not to an Oklahoma State Park. As Trump’s travel secretary, she’ll make sure our president stays in the nicest hotels and eats the finest food during his four-year-long vacation.

Mary Fallin Larry Nichols

5.) Secretary of Do What Larry Nichols Says

As we noted, Harold Hamm will have a lot of sway in Trump’s administration, but when it comes to controlling Mary Fallin and other Oklahoma politicians, perhaps no one has as much say as Larry Nichols. Some people think that’s because he’s rich, and has no problem using his wealth and influence to create favorable legislation for his energy empire. Others think it’s because he has a Moon Door in his office at the Devon Tower, and will make any dissenters “Fly.” Regardless of the reasons for his power, expect Mary Fallin to pull a Scott Pruitt and do whatever Larry Nichols says.


6.) Secretary of Prayer

If there is one thing I know, it’s that prayer works! It’s the reason I’m currently married to Debbie Gibson and am the best Golden Eye player in the world (things I prayed for back when I was in a youth group). When Oklahoma is faced with a crisis, like drought or a downturn in the oil market, Mary is always there to call in those favors to God. We need someone at the national level talking to the Almighty. And since Trump doesn’t know dick about the Bible or being a Christian, let’s give Mary a crack at it.

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7) Secretary of Fashion

Mary Fallin is so on top of fashion that she likes new trends – like wearing a red cape jacket or open-toed shoes with black hose – before they will ever become popular.

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8) Minister of Corporate Media

This isn’t a cabinet position… yet. But with Trump in charge, it probably will be.


9.) Chief Executive Officer, Trump Las Vegas

Once again, it would probably be best for Oklahoma and the United States for Mary Fallin to take over one of Trump’s Casinos. That way, she won’t be able to hurt our country and she’ll be able to utilize her Hotel and Restaurant Management degree from OSU.


10.) Secretary

Wanna know what? I’d be ok with Mary just being Donald Trump’s secretary. It would get her out of Oklahoma, but would also put Todd Lamb in charge… Todd’s father was awesome, I’m not so sure about Todd. But what the hell, he couldn’t do any worse.