Ah, the simple days in February, when the biggest excitement seemed to surround Payton Manning and the Denver Broncos winning Super Bowl 50. Remember Coldplay performing the half-time show? Of course not, no one does. It’s fucking Coldplay.
Also in February, Netflix launched ‘Fuller House,’ a continuation of the ABC TGIF classic. It was not very good, but for some reason they just put out another season. If this was any other year, I’d consider it an American tragedy that they ruined a perfectly good TV series, but 2016 is a beast of its own.
Oh yeah, and Harper Lee died.
Published: February 2, 2016
What We Said: “This new neighborhood, which I think is called “One-Percentville,” seems pretty cool. For example, residents will have a concierge service to take care of all those demeaning, time-killing, monotonous tasks that rich people are apparently too good for.”
What We Learned: Despite an economic downturn, Nichols Hills is exactly as snobby as you remember it.
Best Comment: “Bravo! Soon I shall know whence to ask a person on the street for some Grey Poupon shouldst I ever run out whilst touring about in the Bentley.”
Published: February 22, 2016
What We Said: “What’s weird to me is that NewsOK seems to go out of their way to not mention that it’s a horror movie, specifically another installment in the way-too-long ‘Hellraiser’ series. The colorfully-titled horror news website Bloody-Disgusting has an article about the film that uses the NewsOK article as a source. It seems like it would be an interesting tidbit to include, that a famous film franchise is shooting their next installment here, but what do I know?”
What We Learned: Is this a horrifying state, or what?
Best Comment: “”
Published: February 10, 2016
What We Said: “I’m not sure if Mr. Battles would be okay with this, but we really need to see what it would take to get Chase added to Pink Pony. Maybe they could release a collaborative EP called “Pink Pony and the Prince of Edmond.” I think a label will sign them just on that name alone”
What We Learned: Edmond is like Disneyland and some people actually like living there.
Best Comment: “Although you’ve presented him very negatively it’s not like anyone puts stock in anything from The Lost Ogle anyway so it can’t do anything but heighten his reputation. Bad publicity from bad sources is what every entertainer, blogger, celebrity, etc dreams up. Thanks, Lost Ogle!”
Published: February 4, 2016
What We Said: “To be totally honest, I’m not sure I buy her excuse. It doesn’t make sense. Part of the joy of being a parent is getting a job so you don’t have to be around your kids all day, right? I bet the more likely reason for Bobbi’s departure is that she’s grown tired of people constantly asking if she’s Stan Miller’s daughter. That would get old after a while. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her pop up on Discover Oklahoma or a car commercial very soon.”
What We Learned: It’s better to spend your day with a bunch of loud children than work the Channel 9 news desk.
Best Comment: “Does anyone under the age of 40 even watch the news these days?”
Published: February 17, 2016
What We Said: “On January 23, nearly a month after the lawsuit was filed, I was finally served papers. Maybe I’ve watched Pineapple Express a few too many times, but the whole thing was rather anti-climatic. I was just chilling in my back room on a Saturday afternoon watching basketball and not smoking weed when someone knocked on my front door. Standing on my porch was some skinny old man who looked like he sold shoes at Dillard’s.”
What We Learned: The old adage is correct: “Never take idle the threats of a failed weatherman.”
Best Comment: “I bet when those two have sex it sounds like balloons rubbing together”