One thing people love to tout about Oklahoma is the low cost of living. Read any list with Oklahoma on it, good or bad, and they will always mention that at least it doesn’t cost a lot to live here.
Sadly, it looks like that may change. In her State of the State address, Mary Fallin mentioned the state could collect over $800-million in revenue if we expand Oklahoma’s sales tax to include services. She was pretty vague on what that meant, but the Oklahoman has uncovered the details…
Oklahoma cities and counties would be in line to receive a $769 million jump in annual revenue if lawmakers approve Gov. Mary Fallin’s proposal to expand Oklahoma’s 4.5-cent sales tax to include an exhaustive list of new services, The Oklahoman has learned.
Doctor visits, legal fees, funeral services, insurance purchases, cable television, utility bills, child care, nursing home services and banking and real estate transactions are just a small sampling of the 164 services that would be newly taxed by the state, cities and counties, according to documents obtained through the state Open Records Act.
Less common services that also would be taxed include tattoos, pet grooming, lawn services, fur storage and taxidermy.
We’re quick to criticize our governor, but good for Mary for spending the time to comb through an exhaustive list of 164 services to tax. That takes a lot more time and energy than more reasonable plans, like raising income taxes on the wealthy. Plus, that would be fair. In Oklahoma, we can’t do that.
Anyway, you can check out The Oklahoman to view all 164 services our anti-tax governor wants to tax. It’s pretty comprehensive, but we here are some tax opportunities she may have missed…:
1. “Adult Children Living At Home” Tax
Are your kids over the age of 18? Well, they need to be out in the real world, pulling themselves up by the bootstraps, not living off the hard work of their parents! If you have an adult child living on your property, the property owner is responsible for a 10% “Your kids are lazy” tax. I think it should be tied to property value… but whatever, I’ve already given this list more thought than Mary gave her list.
2. Between The Cushions Tax
Hey, you didn’t know that money was there! You should pay a tax! It’s similar to Oklahoma taxing your state income tax refund if you payed more than you should have.
3.) Conservation Tax
Anything that helps conserve nature or is good for the environment is taxed. This goes for solar power, wind power, electric vehicles, tree planting, gardening, hot girls, etc.
4. Speeding Ticket Tax
Yeah, I wonder why this didn’t make her budget list.
5. Teacher Tax
If you want to teach in our great state you have to take a lot of tests, I support this because it ensures our teachers aren’t dumb. These certification test cost about $200 a pop. What if we made our legislators take a test like this before they could run for office? OK, that was a silly idea. Let’s just tax teachers for the months they don’t work.
6. Tweet Tax
Patrick may have to cut down on how many times he tweets a TLO article, but this should be enacted. I suggest a base .25-cent tax for every tweet, and nickel for every RT or like.
7. Alternate Facts Tax
Anyone who says there is a correlation between injecting wastewater deep into faultlines and earthquakes has to give 2% of their income to an oil company. David Boren, you’re safe. In fact, anyone who believes in science has to give 2% of their income to Sally Kern’s church.
8. Abortion Tax
I’m honestly surprised our legislature has never thought of this tactic.
9. Comedy Tax
If you are going to make jokes, and try to speak truth to power, get ready to pay up! Me and TLO are safe. Also, there isn’t really a lot of money in the comedy biz in Oklahoma. This was a bad idea.
10. Female Beauty Tax
TLO hasn’t done posts celebrating the beauty in our state for a while. And frankly, I miss it. The tax on being “beautiful” won’t be monetary, instead it will be having to deal with snowflakes who think posting pictures of attractive women is sexist. Listen, there are some people in this world that are good looking; there are some people in this world that are ugly. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. Pretty people exist, and I don’t wanna live in a world where we can’t point out beauty. Mic dropped.
If you can think of anything else that needs to be taxed, by all means, let me know! Also, check me out on Twitter: @SpencerLenox