7 Valentines for Okies we love…

We spend a lot of time on The Lost Ogle being snarky, cynical haters. But tomorrow is a special holiday for showing recognition to those whom you love. Instead of putting more negativity into the world, we decided to come out to our not-so-secret crushes and drop some Valentine’s Day cards into the white paper sacks on our loved one’s desks (did everyone else do that in elementary school?).

Pop open a box of those chalky candy hearts and peek inside these VD cards we made for some of the people in Oklahoma that we’ve got the hots for:

-Blind Date

To be fair, we didn’t really know you when we first went out with you. And on that initial blind date, we didn’t really hit it off. But when it’s meant to be, things work out in the end. We were shot through the heart by Cupid’s arrow, and ever since, our souls have soared like a free bird. This Valentine’s Day, we hope we can still call you Superman…

-Damon Lane

It doesn’t matter if sometimes your forecasts aren’t accurate. Every time you step in front of that green screen to show us the highs and lows, it makes my barometric pressure soar. When severe weather threatens and a rain shaft appears, I switch back and forth between you and Mike Morgan, fantasizing about a multiple-vortex event.

-Braum’s 

Ok, you’re not a person, not anymore at least. Legend has it, E.B. Braum’s was once a real man, and 80 years ago he merged his essence into the deep fryer oil that they use to make all those crispy, crinkle-cut french fries. Whatever the case, your rich ice creams, savory hamburgers, and way-too-salty chicken strips have endeared you into our hearts forever. Never change, Braum’s.

-Wanda Jackson

Some people like to rock, some people like to roll. I like to do both, and you do them to me hard, Wanda. You’re 79 years young and still kickin’ it, which is pretty badass. This Valentine’s Day, I’d like you to be my ‘Fujiyama Mama,’ even if you are a ‘Hard Headed Woman.’ I’ve never kissed a bear, I’ve never kissed a goon, but I’d like to shake your chicken in the middle of the room. Wait, that sounds creepy, forget that last bit…

-Exotic Joe

Out of all the outlandish and outspoken people who ran for president in 2016, you should have been the one who won. Even still, you’ll always be commander-in-chief of my heart, and the zookeeper to the tiger sanctuary that is my soul.

-Steven Adams

Although not originally from Oklahoma, you fit in here right away. Your sense of humor, winning smile, and MVP-level hunkiness won us over from the beginning. We’ve watched you grow from a goofy Kiwi into a hairy, tattooed hulk of a man. Whether you’re on the court, playing bingo with elderly people for Thunder Cares, or appearing in my series of fan fiction, you’ll always be an all-star to me.

-Mary Fallin

We don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything. Actually, I don’t think we agree on anything at all. You probably put ketchup on a hot dog and put the toilet paper backwards. But that’s why we love you. Every time you roll out some backwards political policy, say something stupid to the media, or go on a state funded vacation, TLO is there to write about it. And every time we do, the hits roll in. If you were replaced with someone with any competence, we’d probably have turn this site into a mommyblog or something. From the bottoms of our hearts, happy Valentine’s Day, Mary Fallin!