Monday Morning Tweets

Good morning, gang! Welcome back to a new edition of TLO’s Monday Morning Tweets, sponsored by Hideaway Pizza, where we fill you in on the best and worst of the week of the dizzying hellscape that is Twitter. Hopefully, you either stayed in on the amateur drinker’s holiday known as St. Patrick’s Day, or at least kept it safe and responsible. Beer should never be green, felt novelty hats look bad on everyone, and ordering a drink called a Car Bomb to celebrate Irish heritage is incredibly insensitive.

Let’s get to the tweets!

Ralph Shortey was in the news…

Last week, creepball Oklahoma Senator Ralph Shortey was allegedly busted in an under-aged homosexual sex trafficking/drug thing. I think that drugs and homosexuality are great, and sex work should become legal and normalized, but when it’s with a person under the age of consent doing it with a douchebag who makes his nut off legislating morality, well, there’s a problem. -Lucas

Does anyone know if Mary Fallin has called for Ralph Shortey’s resignation?

There are good and interesting and useful ways for news organizations to use Twitter, and then there’s this. Obviously they’ve got the ability to manage their reporters’ accounts, so can someone over at Channel 9 please commandeer Dean Blevins’ for us? We’d all appreciate it. – Tony

Muddy and slightly suspect?

Yes, checks out for me. -Malory

The Will of the People

I mean, yeah. Probably. Honestly, what’s one more drop in the bucket of depression and disenfranchisement at the hands of Oklahoma legislators? -Marisa

Give her a pencil & an apple and you’ve got a bong

I think Chelsea just did some life changing MacGyver shit… and it should be celebrated. -Spence

Sunsets with Emily Sutton

Anyone else want a Life Saver right now? – Patrick

Saturday Afternoons in Oklahoma

If you’re new to Twitter, the OKC Noonado is a required follow. It will make your dog’s howl. – Patrick

Lance West has rockin’ titties

He’s always been pretty hot, but those new implants look so natural. -Lucas

It’s my way or the Segway

This should have been our OJ white Bronco police chase. -Rayke

And now a word from our sponsor…

Can you believe that? Hideaway Pizza is ripping off Ogle Madness. They have no shame. – Patrick

Don’t hate on the Brodie

Kevin Durant’s brother tried to throw shade on Russell Westbrook. Russ’ wife burned him so bad that he hasn’t been on Twitter in days. KD is in crutches, and Westbrook is about to average a triple-double, something that hasn’t been done in over 50 years. We’re with Nina, and also Steven Adams and Enes Kanter -Spence

Gundy’s on a snake hunt…

First, can we appreciate how that giant-ass snake looks deadly as hell and ready to sink its venomous fangs into Mike Gundy’s hand? Secondly, Gundy’s head looks like a sunken-in potato that’s spent too much time in the sun. Lastly, this seems like he was throwing shade in advance on OSU basketball coach Brad Underwood for bouncing to Illinois… -Lucas

Get In The Money Saving Mood

Goodman’s lighting is to Deep Fork Grill like Ross’s lighting is to Braum’s. -Malory

They’re a raging pack of Grimaces

I don’t watch morning news, but if I did, I would watch Channel 5. – Patrick

Steve Lackmeyer is a curmudgeon

The long-term effects aren’t yet known, but studies have probably shown that vaping is healthy AND looks really cool. Lackmeyer could really benefit from blowing some sick clouds and puffing on a tank of Cotton Candy, Blue Waffle, or Twizzler Sizzler. Maybe he’d relax a little.

Abigail Ogle is going to rule the world someday

Serious question – Why do only weatherman get to use a green screen? I vote green screen for everyone. – Patrick

Dean Blevins Memorial Tweet of the Week

The guy who was suspended from work for tweeting a pic of a Bourbon Street flasher is upset with today’s PC Capital. Makes sense. – Patrick