New Rule – Bill Maher needs to hire me

Before we get to the gist of this post, let me get the contractual stuff out-of-the-way…

You may have noticed ads for the Bill Maher stand up tour running on this site. That’s because Bill Maher is performing in Oklahoma City at the Civic Center this Sunday, and his promoters know The Lost Ogle is the number one local media outlet for liberal Oklahomans who enjoy sarcasm and satire. Limited tickets remain for the show. They can be purchased here.

Anyway, I have a “New Rule” for Bill Maher. He needs to hire someone from Oklahoma to write for his HBO show “Real Time with Bill Maher.” Preferably that someone is me. Here are four reasons why:

1. I have experience. Oklahoma is like the New York or LA of the conservative bullshit scene. The most stylish right-wing fashions and trends start here and then slowly spread their way across the rest of the country. Seriously, it’s the truth. There are more crazy hypocritical freedom loving Christian anti-government gun nuts per capita in Oklahoma than any other state east of Wyoming. When ALEC comes up with a crazy bill to screw over poor people, they say “Let’s try it in Oklahoma first.” I have nearly 10 years experience covering, skewering, criticizing, and most importantly, profiting off this culture of madness. As it spreads across the country, I could help your show do the same.

2. I’m qualified. Not to pat myself on the back too much here, but The Lost Ogle is a pretty big deal… in Oklahoma. Yeah, that’s kind of like being the skinniest person at Golden Corral, but it’s an accomplishment nonetheless. Can you name me another profitable irreverent liberal-in-a-red-state media outlet operated out of a back bedroom that reaches millions of people and runs local trivia nights and produces its own craft beer. I don’t think so.

3. We have a lot in common. You’re a sarcastic atheist asshole who either pisses people off or makes people laugh. I’m a sarcastic atheist asshole who either pisses people off or makes people laugh! You think political correctness and an aversion to humor is destroying the Democratic Party. I think political correctness and an aversion to humor is destroying the Democratic Party! You enjoy smoking marijuana and think all drugs should be legal. I live in state where I probably shouldn’t admit to enjoy smoking marijuana and think all drugs should be legal! We’re virtually identical! The main differences are you’re rich and successful, and I’m taller.

4. I’m looking for an out. Throw me a life-preserver and get me out of here before a Devon Energy-sponsored man-made earthquake swallows me whole! If you can waste $1,000,000 on Obama, you can at least get me a job, right? I’ll do anything – write, edit, clean your bowl (I use the salt and alcohol method). At the very least, get me a sales gig with VICE, or better yet, forward this over to John Oliver. He knows who we are.

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As I wait for Bill Maher’s reply, I’d like to encourage our readers to buy remaining tickets to the show. Maybe that will help my cause.