Oklahoma Craft Beer Festival Survival Guide

Being the co-brewers of a wildly popular seasonal craft beer, I doubt you’d be surprised to know that we’re big fans of craft beer at The Lost Ogle. It’s a big part of our history and heritage. It’s why I require all TLO contributors to have beards, wear flannel clothing, and attend the (TLO Advertiser Alert!) Oklahoma Craft Beer Festival each Spring.

Taking place this Friday and Saturday, the Oklahoma Craft Beer Festival features tastings of over 300 beers from 100 local and national breweries. Limited tickets remain for all three sessions – including the big VIP Tasting session with extra beers on Saturday afternoon. You can buy them here.

This year will be the fourth year in a row I’ve attended the Oklahoma Craft Beer Festival, and as a service to you, a loyal beer-drinking TLO reader, I thought it would be fun to put together a little survival guide.

1. Shave your neck beard

According to a recent study, 84% of male craft beer drinkers have a beard. That’s because the other 16% are losers and can’t grow one.

If you’re part of the 84%, show a little bit of class for once and shave your nasty neck beard. Beer Festivals are the closest thing to church for beer drinkers, and the event should be treated with dignity and respect. Plus, you don’t want to look like Josh from Sweet Home Oklahoma. If you do, someone may accidentally spill a thick porter over you.

There’s also a practical reason to shaving your neck beard. You don’t want your greasy, sweaty stubble to get on your…

2. Bring a pretzel necklace

Yeah, these things are pretty popular at the festival. I’ve never used one, primarily because the thought of people breathing on my food while I walk by them grosses me out, but if that doesn’t bother you, go for it. It’s a good palate cleanser between beers, and I assume they’re fun to make.

Also, this will probably be a good time to remind you that another friend of TLO – Fassler Hall – will be providing food at the event.

3. Take notes in a Moleskine notebook

This is the authentic, more artisanal way to take notes about the various beers at the festival. If that’s a bit too old school for you, you can always go digital and try Untapped. If so, use words like “full bodied,” “hop forward,” “Hint of pear,” “coffee background,” “thick white head,” “artisanal dreamscape” etc., when describing your beer.

4. Quickly develop a taste for hops

Not a big fan of hops? That’s fine. First of all, it can take a while for people to adjust and condition their palate to this bitter, zesty, essential craft beer ingredient. Second, The Oklahoma Craft Beer Festival has a wide variety of different styles of beer to sample and enjoy. Use it as an opportunity to try a style of beer you normally wouldn’t buy at the bar or liquor store.

5. Be nice to volunteers

Fun fact – most of the people serving beers, refilling waters, and emptying the waste cups are volunteers. Treat them nice.

6.Drink heavily

Yes, you want to be responsible and all that good stuff, but live a little. You’re going to be around over 300 beers! If you try an ounce of each one, that’s only the equivalent of a case of beer. You can do that in three hours, right?

7. Get an Uber or bring a designated driver

Yeah, this is probably the best advice on how to survive Oklahoma Craft Beer Festival. Don’t drink and drive. Plan ahead. I’d encourage you to use Uber or Lyft, that way you don’t have to pay to park or bring along a boring sober friend to complain about everything.

Anyway, we’d like to thank Tapwerks and The Oklahoma Craft Beer Fest for throwing this event and letting us be involved. I hope to see you at one of the sessions this weekend. Once again, buy tickets here.