It’s hard to believe, but it’s been over a month since we’ve had a really good scandal at the Oklahoma Capitol. With only a few days left before the 2017 legislative session transitions into the 2017 special legislative session, I thought it would be fun to speculate about what other scandals may rock the capitol over the next few days.
Please note, these are just wild guesses. They haven’t happened… yet.
1. Josh Brecheen arrested for masturbating to Darwin’s “Origin of Species” in Mardel parking lot.
And you thought Ralph Shortey getting caught in a south side motel room with weed and a 17-year-old male prostitute was hypocritical! Imagine the reaction if Josh Brecheen – an anti-science Christian theocrat – was busted masturbating to Darwin’s “Origin of Species” in a Mardel Parking Lot. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me. He seems like the type of guy who would be turned on by sketches of finches.
2. House Rules Committee announces State Rep Marcus McEntire not allowed within 1,000 feet of a school, park or Lens Crafters.
Based strictly on appearances, that seems fair.
3. Drunk Tess Teague uses fire extinguisher to “Make it Snow” at 2017 Sine Die party.
In all fairness, she just thought it was going to be “a little poof.” She’ll do whatever it takes to remain a state rep. She’ll even sweep the floor.
4. Dr. Ervin Yen refuses shingles vaccine
I wonder if the anti-vaccine people will like him then?
5. State Rep Forrest Bennett spotted at Edna’s telling coeds he’s Todd from Breaking Bad
Hopefully he doesn’t go too far and shoot a kid on a dirt bike.
6. These guys do something sick and disgusting.
That’s State Reps John Paul Jordan and Scott
Fatgetter Fetgatter. It could be as innocent as getting stuck in the same side of the booth at Cracker Barrel, or something as raunchy as getting stuck on the slide together at Stars and Stripes Park. Either way, my gut instinct tells me these guys are going to get caught doing something sick and disgusting.
7. Emily Virgin and Cyndi Munson admit to sharing same Netflix and Hulu account.
It’s primarily so they can binge watch Parks and Rec.
8. John Bennett caught sexting dick pic to legislative aide under alias “Carlos Bigot.”
The pic is then followed with a questionnaire about Islam.
9. Phil Cross investigation reveals female Oklahoma lawmakers earn 25% less in lobbyist bribes than male counterparts.
Sadly, Elise Hall blocks any attempts to right the wrong.
10. Josh Cockroft plagiarizes Garfield in online constituent newsletter
You know what they say – once a plagiarist always a plagiarist. At least this will explain why he spends so much time writing about how much he hates Mondays and loves lasagna.
Anyway, those are just some educated guess about what may happen. Share yours after the jump.