F.N.I.T.B.T: Anthem, Burlesque, Zoo and Star Wars

We are a month and two bottles of SPF 100+ sunscreen into summer vacation. You all know what that means for our metro area! White Water Bay is giving Oklahoma’s youth a medical history that increases the likelihood of developing skin cancer and body image issues. The Edmond teenagers have all been shipped off to inoculate third-world countries with Jesus while taking profile pictures with the less fortunate. And the June bugs have gathered ‘round our back porches like the Juggalos at a Faygo dispenser.

Summer also means that the metro area is full of events to tickle nearly everyone’s fancy. You guys are so lucky. There is so much to do this week. Growing up in Western Oklahoma, the only options I had during my summer vacations were either working at the movie theater or getting teen pregnant.

Safari Soirée
Oklahoma City Zoo
2000 Remington Pl, OKC
Friday 7:00
Tickets $50-$200

Are you a doctoral-level zoologist who spent four to five years in graduate school studying the mating habits of the nine-banded armadillo and has since dedicated their life to maintaining populations of endangered species? Probably not.

But do you want the warm, fuzzy feeling of helping animals without the haunting dirge of Sarah McLachlan serenading you to your second ugly cry for the day? Or do you not care about the fate of orangutans in Borneo, but want to drunkenly feed a giraffe? Either way, this event is for you!

The Safari Soirée is a 21-and-up adventure that benefits the Zoo’s conservation efforts while providing you a rollicking good time. The event is complete with delicious food, adult beverages, and opportunities to interact with a number of critters you normally don’t see ‘round these parts, including stingrays, elephants, and lorikeets.

The lorikeet is the rainbow parakeet-looking thing. I am not even going to pretend like I didn’t google what a lorikeet is. Go see it for yourself at the Zoo.

Anthem Live Music Series: The Outer Vibe
Anthem Brewing Company
908 SW 4th St, OKC
Friday at 7:00 PM

The last time I visited Anthem Brewing Company I got a little bit too day drunk after a mediocre job interview. It was at this point when I was waiting for my friend to pick me up for tacos that I met Patrick from the Lost Ogle for the first time. I felt like that meeting was a much better job interview.

This week Anthem is pairing their booze with some tunes. The Outer Vibe is an indie band out of Tennessee whose style is a combination of Americana and a garage sale. Their music is creative and refined by their talent, but their fashion looks like we had to get rid of a lot of stuff after Uncle Tony died. If you haven’t heard of them, look them up on YouTube. After that, go see them Friday at Anthem with all the other cool kids.

5th Annual Oklahoma City Burlesque Festival
Lyric Theatre
1727 NW 16th St, OKC
Friday and Saturday at 7:00 PM
Tickets $25-$50

I spent a good twenty minutes trying to come up with a list of reasons why you should go to the burlesque festival. Then I realized that I don’t have to give a single reason after all because everyone loves burlesque.  Straight women love burlesque. Gay men love burlesque. Heterosexual couples love burlesque. Your grandma loves burlesque.

Yeah. That is right. Your grandma at one point has been or currently is a sexual being.  She loves burlesque.

And why does everyone love burlesque? Because it is art. These performers are talented.  They combine acrobatics, music, and theatre, all the while suggesting near nudity.  Nobody is going to turn down the opportunity to experience that.

Grandma always said idle hands do the devil’s work. So keep those hands busy this weekend and check out the festival.

One-Man Star Wars Trilogy
Freede Little Theatre at the Civic Center Music Hall
201 N Walker Ave, OKC
Wednesday through Friday at 7:30 PM
Saturday and Sunday at 1:30 and 7:30 PM
Tickets $42

Charles Ross is a full-time nerd who has created his own world-renowned show. The One-Man Star Wars Trilogy is a Lucasfilm-endorsed performance that incorporates the magic of Star Wars with the budget of an Oklahoma City Public Schools-funded kindergarten play. This guy literally reenacts the plot of the first three (the original trilogy (aka only trilogy that matters)) Star Wars movies by himself. You can almost feel the overwhelming burden of his parents’ disappointment as he displays his acting and impression skills.

But really, guys.  Go see the show and have a few laughs. We can knock it all we want, but I only know of one guy who is getting paid to stand up on stage and make Wookiee noises.

I still don’t update this like I should.  Direct all questions, concerns, and whatever emoji-filled millennial stuff you feel the need to share to @squirrellygeek on Twitter.