Howdy, pardners! Hope you enjoyed yesterday’s brief, overcast respite from the absolutely disgusting and punishing weather that we’ve been dealing with. After all of these days where I walk outside and immediately begin to sweat from the humidity, I’ve decided I want to live in a place where it’s cold year-round but without the snow. I’m not sure where that is yet, but if you have any ideas, let me know! In the meantime, here are the best local tweets from last week:
Springtime weather in Oklahoma is hell:
— Ryan Tomlinson (@Ryan_Tomlinson) June 15, 2017
Pretty soon, 95% of all weather coverage on the internet is just going to be people making the same joke about weather dongs. (-Tony)
Yal pray for Oklahoma, nothing wrong. It's just hot af 😩
— ERIK NUÑEZ (@Erik_N13) June 16, 2017
I’m starting a Go Fund Me to replace the street lights with misters. We’re going to make walking anywhere in Oklahoma during the summer like brunching on an Oklahoma patio: hot and weirdly damp. (-Andria)
How hot is it in OKC right now? pic.twitter.com/9noF7h9Gk0
— Jon Hamm (@JonMHamm) June 15, 2017
The humidity level is still no match for how dorky these guys look. You could tell me those dudes were all youth pastors and I’d believe you. (-Lucas)
— #WeatherPhoto (@photoweather1) June 11, 2017
Without being gross I bet this is what a proctologist sees when he looks up in the sky. Or has bizarre dreams. Or maybe a male-patient-only urologist. (-Steven)
The kind of brave honesty that starts friendships
Me: yeah can I get that in a tall
Them: a what?
Me: a tall. You don't speak Starbucks?
Them: … you want 12oz of ranch dressing?
— Bridget T. (@BiteElephants) June 14, 2017
Anyone who’s ever waited tables in Oklahoma immediately respects this request. There’s this weird game Oklahomans play where we pretend we wouldn’t drink an entire pitcher of ranch dressing. In our heart of hearts, we know we would, but we pretend it’s different to order it an ounce at a time. Why do we force the waiter to make 12 trips to bring us 12 one-ounce cups of ranch? Nah, son. Bring me all the ranch. (-Andria)
One of the lucky ones
I haven't been on twitter in so long my timeline won't even load. Sup, guys!?
— SUP girl (@kerrymyers_) June 18, 2017
I wouldn’t worry about what you missed. It was most a lot of outrage, Trump stuff, sadness, and the same four jokes being recycled through just as many accounts. (-Lucas)
Puff Puff Elected
If we are going to save Oklahoma we must legalize Marijuana. This is a fact
— Joe Exotic (@joe_exotic) June 9, 2017
Pandering to the younger crowd is the way to get votes. And by younger, I mean anyone who has seen a Pink Floyd laser light show. (-Steven)
OKC Energy Fans Are Fun
There's a woman behind who has said she yells at players to take out the rage of things she would yell at her children during the week
— Sam Duren (@Sam_Duren) June 11, 2017
Energy games in OKC are pretty kid-friendly, but the recent rise in hooliganism among mothers may put a stop to that. (-Tony)
We’ve got a fix for that
I feel like the towns in Oklahoma are all either two hours apart or fifteen minutes apart. There's no in between.
— Ceaira Rock (@Ceairarocks) June 15, 2017
We’re currently in negotiations to buy Whole Foods to use as distribution centers. More weirdly named small Oklahoma towns coming to you in two days. Free shipping. (-Andria)
Our state motto is so weird pic.twitter.com/xtpr5NIU2H
— Dylan Goforth (@DGoforth918) June 13, 2017
Cool that language, it’s more like, “That darn ol’ education!” (-Lucas)
Sweet Baby Jesus
— Lucy on the Ground (@lucyo21) June 13, 2017
How does anyone get this excited about this garbage fire? Seriously. Watching an actual pile of burning trash would be more entertaining than this TV show. (-Steven)
Under the Radar
Near NW 122nd & Western, a Tahoe is chasing an Impala, they are allegedly trying to crash into each other…
— Robert Moose (@RobertMoose) June 16, 2017
Wow, this Vin Diesel remake of ‘Ben Hur’ sounds wild! (-Lucas)
Dear God, Abigail Ogle is going to rule the world some day…
Adios amigos! I'll miss you all. Will try to update occasionally… but going to be unplugging and relaxing for awhile.
— Abigail Ogle (@KOCOAbigail) June 15, 2017
Watch out, world.
Dean Blevins Memorial Tweet of the Week featuring Dean Blevins
— Dean Blevins (@DeanBlevins) June 19, 2017
Congrats to ESPN reporter Royce Young on becoming the first person in world history to be a contributor for The Sports Animal, News 9 Sports Blitz and The Lost Ogle.