Monday Morning Tweets

Howdy, pardners! Hope you enjoyed yesterday’s brief, overcast respite from the absolutely disgusting and punishing weather that we’ve been dealing with. After all of these days where I walk outside and immediately begin to sweat from the humidity, I’ve decided I want to live in a place where it’s cold year-round but without the snow. I’m not sure where that is yet, but if you have any ideas, let me know! In the meantime, here are the best local tweets from last week:

Springtime weather in Oklahoma is hell:

Pretty soon, 95% of all weather coverage on the internet is just going to be people making the same joke about weather dongs. (-Tony)

I’m starting a Go Fund Me to replace the street lights with misters. We’re going to make walking anywhere in Oklahoma during the summer like brunching on an Oklahoma patio: hot and weirdly damp. (-Andria)

The humidity level is still no match for how dorky these guys look. You could tell me those dudes were all youth pastors and I’d believe you. (-Lucas)

Without being gross I bet this is what a proctologist sees when he looks up in the sky. Or has bizarre dreams. Or maybe a male-patient-only urologist. (-Steven)

The kind of brave honesty that starts friendships

Anyone who’s ever waited tables in Oklahoma immediately respects this request. There’s this weird game Oklahomans play where we pretend we wouldn’t drink an entire pitcher of ranch dressing. In our heart of hearts, we know we would, but we pretend it’s different to order it an ounce at a time. Why do we force the waiter to make 12 trips to bring us 12 one-ounce cups of ranch? Nah, son. Bring me all the ranch. (-Andria)

One of the lucky ones

I wouldn’t worry about what you missed. It was most a lot of outrage, Trump stuff, sadness, and the same four jokes being recycled through just as many accounts. (-Lucas)

Puff Puff Elected

Pandering to the younger crowd is the way to get votes. And by younger, I mean anyone who has seen a Pink Floyd laser light show. (-Steven)

OKC Energy Fans Are Fun

Energy games in OKC are pretty kid-friendly, but the recent rise in hooliganism among mothers may put a stop to that. (-Tony)

We’ve got a fix for that

We’re currently in negotiations to buy Whole Foods to use as distribution centers. More weirdly named small Oklahoma towns coming to you in two days. Free shipping. (-Andria)

Hey now!

Cool that language, it’s more like, “That darn ol’ education!” (-Lucas)

Sweet Baby Jesus

How does anyone get this excited about this garbage fire? Seriously. Watching an actual pile of burning trash would be more entertaining than this TV show. (-Steven)

Under the Radar

Wow, this Vin Diesel remake of ‘Ben Hur’ sounds wild! (-Lucas)

Dear God, Abigail Ogle is going to rule the world some day…

Watch out, world.

Dean Blevins Memorial Tweet of the Week featuring Dean Blevins

Congrats to ESPN reporter Royce Young on becoming the first person in world history to be a contributor for The Sports Animal, News 9 Sports Blitz and The Lost Ogle.