By now, we’ve all probably heard about Andre Roberson’s bad tipping ordeal. Basically, he was at a bar in Austin, TX pounding bottle service shots with his buddies to celebrate signing at 3-year, $30 million contract earlier in the day, and left a really shitty tip. In a since-deleted Instagram post, Andre defended himself by saying that he had already tipped $200 for a previous $100’s worth of drinks.
This got me to thinking about what it’s like to crack a cold one with the Thunder boys, and who would be the most fun to party down with. Andre already loses points for being a bad tipper, and also choosing a taco restaurant in Austin as the place to celebrate getting a big fat payday. I’m sure that place is fine, but c’mon man. If you’re gonna be dropping hundos on booze, maybe go somewhere a little fancier than a place with frozen margaritas?
Here’s my list of which Thunder players must be the most fun to go wild with:
– Paul George
Sam Presti made all my basketball dreams come true when he yoinked PG-13 from the Pacers. Seriously, when KD left a year ago, all I could think was that if the team could land George, it would be right back into contention again. But everyone seems like they forgot about the time that he allegedly met a stripper at a yacht party, got her pregnant, than offered her a bunch of money to cover it all up. It seems like since that incident, he doesn’t party as much, preferring to relaxing sport of fishing. I’m getting older and milder too, so really it sounds like a fun time to sit back on the dock with an ice chest of cold High Life’s and cast away with Paul.
– Russell Westbrook
Russ doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who really drinks or gets crazy, but that has its advantages. He can be the DD and still have a great time out with the boyz. Brodie also has that all-access VIP thing going on, so you could go to any concert together and watch from the side-stage, and never wait in line at the club. The biggest con is that he would probably pick out a really stupid outfit for you to wear.
– Mitch McGary
True, he no longer plays for the Thunder, but I’m gonna count him cuz he’s off the squad for a good reason: he loves that sweet leaf too much. (Sidenote: every single professional sports league should remove marijuana from their banned substances lists. It’s ludicrous that they can get pumped full of opiods to stop the pain of injuries, or spray champagne everyone after a win, but not enjoy God’s green gift.) Everywhere you’d go together, you’d try to do your best impression of Matthew McConaughey from ‘Dazed & Confused,’ but it would go awry:
You: Say man, you got a joint?
Mitch: Sure do, as a matter of-
You: It would be a lot cooler- goddamn it you ruined my bit!
– Steven Adams
Think about Steven Adams being your wingman at the bar- he’s basically Chewbacca, but covered in tattoos and has a better sense of humor. The guy could probably drink his weight in PBR, and you’d be cracking up all night when he gets drunker and brings out some weird kiwi slang that you’ve never heard before. Women love him, men want to be him- if you’re with Adams, you’re at the center of any party.
– Nick Collison
There’s no question for me that Collison is the best guy to party with on the Thunder. What he lacks in Steven Adams’ huge personality, he brings with his low-key chill vibes. I’ve seen him around OKC at more bars than I can count, but he seems to prefer the relaxed neighborhood kind of spots, which is more what I’m into. He probably knows the best cocktail on the menu, but he’d be cool with just having a Lone Star and a shot of tequila, too. And since he doesn’t ever actually play anymore, he could show up to practice hungover and nobody would notice. As long as he doesn’t bring Wayne along, I’m sure it would be a great time.