Last week, a magnitude 4.2 earthquake rocked Edmond so much that Edmonites finally had something more to complain about than the price of locally sourced honey or that one neighbor’s house that could use a new paint job. Since Oklahomans have experienced such a significant increase in seismic activity over the last six or seven years, it is hard to keep track of which earthquakes were the strongest, most destructive, or most annoying. So to refresh your memory and help you mentally prepare for the next one, I have created a list of the most impactful in recent times. Here are the top 10 Oklahoma earthquakes.
#10: The Great Edmond Quake
When: August 8th, 2017
Last week, an earthquake hit Edmond, leaving 4,600 North Edmond residents without power. It was the biggest disaster Edmond teens have experienced since the great Snap Chat outage of 2015.
#9: The Herbquake
When: November 5th, 2011
I remember this day not only because I was among the snot nose sophomore college students walking home from the OSU football game, dragging their drunk roommate up to their dorm room without the RA catching up. But also because it was the most destructive day in Oklahoma State University history. No buildings collapsed. No gaping holes appeared in the sidewalk. But it was like God simultaneously called out all three thousand OSU juniors on the douchebag practice of lining their apartment cabinets with every liquor bottle they had ever finished by knocking them all onto the floor.
#8: Fairview Quake
When: February 14th, 2016
Have you ever tried explaining to a white male over the age of 50 the concept of institutionalized racism and sexism in many corporate environments? Then you know the level of frustration and persuasion that is involved with getting my mom to believe you when you say there was an earthquake the night before. For some reason because she had yet to “feel one,” the whole concept of tectonic plates shifting due to sudden releases of energy to her becomes as believable as the stories I told as a 3-year-old. HOWEVER. This was the earthquake she finally felt, so it belongs in the list of the greatest Oklahoma earthquakes of all time.
#7: The Norman Quake
When: October 13th, 2010
Though it took place in Norman, we felt this earthquake all the way up in Stillwater. This earthquake freaked out my Elementary German professor so much that she postponed our midterm. I know you all could probably care less, but I am making this list, dammit. And this was my favorite earthquake.
#6: The Pawnee Rocker
When: September 3rd, 2016
So this one was my fault. We were playing a round of Going to Jerusalem, a whitewashed bible-based board game we picked up at the Good Will in Edmond. Little did we know that it was from the same board game producer as Jumanji. So we were about three turns in when we realized that the game starts to come to life as we play. I drew the card with 1 Samuel 14:15, reading “the raiders trembled, and the earth quaked so that it became a great trembling.” Don’t worry, we beat the game before we let loose the Leviathan, which would have made our lives in Oklahoma even more nasty, brutish, and short than it already is.
#5: All Of THem
When: Some Random 2015 Earthquakes
Where: All Over the Damn Place
In 2015 Governor Mary Fallin finally acknowledged the link between oil field disposal wells and earthquakes. That same year Oklahoma experienced more earthquakes than all other states combined. I just assumed one of those quakes shook her oil painting of Larry Nichols off of her bedroom wall and onto her head, which knocked some sense into her.
#4: The Jones Shaker
When: December 7th, 2013
This one was so big (that’s what she said) that it caused wine bottles to rain from up above, people to complain about having to close their cabinets, and OSU to lose Bedlam. It is also what I blame two of my three broken vases on. Now between you and me, I know it was the cats who were running around like fuzzy assholes that caused them to be knocked over. But as far as my husband is concerned, it was this earthquake that tipped and broke them.
When: November 7th, 2016
On this day, the business that is the economic epicenter of the town of Cushing was rocked to its core. The employees thought the business was damaged beyond repair. Because of this, citizens of this small town flocked to banks to withdraw all the savings they could. The population was certain that if there were any signs of damage to this corporate job creator that breathed life into the community, the entire economy would collapse. But thankfully, the McDonalds was still able to open the next day.
#2: Alice Cooper
When: August 19th, 2016
Where: The Criterion
Magnitude: Off the Richter
This was the night Alice Cooper came to town and put naturally occurring earthquakes to shame by how much our world was rocked.
When: September 19th, 2010
This one isn’t as well known to the general population, but it is the most impactful for our state. This earthquake disturbed the tectonic plates all across Oklahoma so significantly that it naturally gerrymandered and relined the voting boundaries across the metro, leading Mary Fallin to gain enough leads in districts that she was able to first be elected in November of this year.
I still don’t update this like I should. Direct all questions, concerns, and whatever emoji-filled millennial stuff you feel the need to share to @squirrellygeek on twitter.