Muskogee’s DHS office has a snake problem…

Snakes, like a lot of animals, are really misunderstood. We treat them like monsters, but for the most part they get rid of actual pests that we don’t want around, like rats and bugs and stuff. Most of em aren’t really aggressive or venomous, they just wanna be left alone. Hell, lots of people like snakes enough to have them as pets. Most of those people in my experience are also drug dealers, but who am I to judge?

With that said, snakes are still totally creepy, and just seeing one slither by inspires an ancient, primitive fear in our lizard brains that immediately makes us respond with, “KILL IT WITH FIRE.”

There are smart ways to respond to coming across a serpent, and there are Muskogee ways to respond. From NewsOn6:

MUSKOGEE, Oklahoma –

Muskogee’s Department of Human Services offices are closed Wednesday after employees found a snake inside.

Employees felt unsafe with the chemicals used to get rid of the snake.

Building owner Bill Johnson said the Friday before Labor Day, DHS employees heard something moving around in the ceiling.

When they lifted a ceiling tile, he said a snake basically fell on top of them.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Y’all keep the snake, I quit. I can put up with annoying co-workers, bad coffee, and a broken Xerox machine, but the second there are snakes in the ceiling, I’m hitting the classifieds and looking for a new career.

Animal control verified it was a King snake, which is non-venomous.

Johnson said employees left for the day and he and his maintenance crews spent the weekend putting snake repellents throughout the office.

Some of the repellent they used was a granule called “Snake-A-Way.”

Johnson said they didn’t realize at the time the product was only for outdoor use.

Maintenance Guy 1: “Well, the boss said we gotta get this snake out of the office. This stuff is called ‘Snake-A-Way,’ sounds like it’ll do the trick.”

Maintenance Guy 2: “Did you read the label for the instructions?”

Maintenance Guy 1: “Nah, I don’t have time. Gotta get the boat ready for the lake, three-day weekend!”

He said when employees returned to work and found out what chemicals had been used, they left work again, saying they felt unsafe.

“The building was closed last night due to air quality concerns. The safety of our staff and clients is of utmost priority so we’re not going reopen the building until we get a clean air quality report,” said Casey White.

Johnson said an air quality specialist will make sure the building is safe on Thursday, and with any luck, employees can come back on Friday.

Did it never occur to them to call up, say, Muskogee Animal Control? Show another local gov agency a little love? Why skip straight to the hard stuff?

No word on if the snake has vacated the building, applied for any of DHS’ essential services, or taken his talent to the Bay area, but hopefully the local news will keep us updated on this.