If you ever find yourself in a position where you’re drunk and have to deliver a dead body across the state, I’d suggest staying at home. That’s because drinking and driving is stupid, and the last thing we need is another dead body to deal with.
That being said, if you’re a drunkard and insist on risking it, I’d suggest using a hearse or ambulance. They are not only effective and traditional forms of corpse transportation, but the odds of a cop pulling you over for DUI are slim to none. If they see you swerve, they’ll just assume the body came to life, is attacking you, and leave you alone.
Some dumb drunk lady learned this life lesson the hard way. Via KOKH:
Oklahoma Highway Patrol arrested a woman for suspected DUI while she transporting a body for a funeral home.
A department spokesperson said Teresa Patrick was arrested Saturday afternoon on Hwy 66 near Chandler.
A trooper was in the area, OHP said, responding to reports of a downed stop sign. While looking for the sign, he stopped the Chevy SUV Patrick was driving. The SUV is registered to a funeral home.
OHP said Patrick picked up a body in Tulsa and was on her way back to Oklahoma City with it, when she was stopped and arrested.
She was delivering the body to Oklahoma City from Tulsa, but was busted on Route 66 in Chandler? Say what you want, but at least the woman was a responsible and experienced drunk driver and “took the backroads.” That’s what the guys at my AA meetings always recommend.
Couple of additional notes:
– I couldn’t find a mugshot of the person in question, but a Facebook search of “Teresa Patrick Oklahoma” turned up many likely candidates.
– Yeah, I know. I made light of a taboo and very serious topic like DUI. I apologize. Drinking and driving is never cool, even when you’re delivering dead bodies. Don’t do it.