5 Oklahoma holiday cocktail recipes

Unless you’re the Pioneer Woman, the holidays are a really bad time for a lot of us. If you have the time and the means to set up miniature birch trees for each guest and also slip them a $50 Chili’s gift card, you obviously don’t need much direction to make an enjoyable experience. The rest of us, well, we rely on booze to coax our friends and family and enemies (the Venn diagram often overlaps).

Here are five holiday cocktails to share with your Oklahomies this season:

BC Clark Crusta 

This is a riff on a classic New Orleans cocktail. BC Clark not only has an infectious jingle, but also some ritzy wares. This drink is designed to imitate the fanciness of a diamond ring, and also the addictiveness of the BC Clark theme song.

2 oz cognac

1/2 oz fresh lemon juice

1/2 oz maraschino liquer

2 dashes Angostura bitters

top with champagne

Annual Ice Storm Gin Fizz

Every year, without fail and when we’re least expecting it, a gnarly ice storm rips apart the metro. People from up north will complain about how “It’s not really that bad!” and everyone else struggles for their lives for a day and a half. There’s a decent chance your power goes out during the ice storm, so this cocktail is perfect to utilize ingredients that will go bad while the electricity is out.

2 oz gin (or really whatever you have on hand)

1 oz heavy cream (or milk, or whatever dairy you need to get rid of)

1 egg white

3/4 oz lemon juice

3/4 oz simple syrup

2 dashes Angostura bitters

1 oz soda water

[Note: reverse dry shake this cocktail! Pour the gin, cream, lemon, and simple into your shaker. Shake until the tin is cold, then strain it out into the small tin, discarding the ice. Add the egg white, then shake the fuck out of it for like two minutes, seriously. Pour slowly into a highball with ice and the soda water until it builds a head, then dash on the bitters)

Belle Isle Iced Tea

Holiday shopping is always a total nightmare, but moreso when you’re spending your money at Belle Isle. Between Penn Square Mall, Wal*Mart, and Old Navy, it’s a total clusterfuck trying to navigate the system of roads that weave throughout the Belle Isle shopping area. This is a cocktail designed to make it easier:

Any smoothie from Jamba Juice

4 oz vodka

Wheatgrass shot

[Note: There’s a Jamba Juice right there, so have them make you whatever dumb drink, and then pour a bunch of booze from the bottle in your trunk into your cup. Get the wheatgrass shot on the side- it won’t pair with your beverage, but you’ll get a healthy boost from it that will enable you to fight off over-eager Maybe Dean meant to have the selfie camera on? I’m not sure what’s going on here, but that’s why we follow him.

-The Snowman’s Dong

Patrick posted the other day about an overeager snowman. Here’s a boner-inducing cocktail dedicated to the horny snowperson inside of all of us:

1 oz white rum

1/2 oz coconut rum

1/2 oz heavy cream

Whipped cream garnish

– Downtown Opening Night

Have you ever been to Downtown for their New Years Eve celebration? It’s exactly like whatever you think it’s gonna be. Instead of dropping the ball, they raise it up, which makes as much sense as calling it ‘Opening Night.’ Here’s a highball cocktail that maintains the spirit of our state capital’s NYE:

2 oz Fireball

Top with Jagermeister