Buying pot in Oklahoma is such a drag. Even though possession is still federally illegal, it’s legal in more than half the country now (and could be here if enough people vote on June 26th). In most of those places, if you can get your hands on a med card, there are plenty of strip mall-based pot dispensaries to hook up your OG Kush, dabs, or psychoactive gummy bears. States with full-blown recreational use have shops that look more like Apple stores or posh cigar lounges.
But in Oklahoma, we like to keep things old school. As only one of three states left in the nation that hasn’t decriminalized or at least offered low-THC medical options, you’re left with few options. Most people visit a dealer, which means you need cash and have to tolerate scratched up Pink Floyd records on the stereo and an apartment that smells like cat pee. Green thumbs will grow their own, but then have to break out in a sweat every time an AWACS plane soars overhead, panicked that the stash of heat lamps in the closet will give them away.
More recently, people just do it through the mail. If you have a very kind friend in a place like Cali, they’ll just mail you the dank. And since it’s so easy to score everywhere else, the modern dealer sets up shop on The Dark Net. Instead of paying with wrinkled Jacksons, you’re exchanging Bitcoin, and then waiting the 5-7 days for it to ship, as long as the guy didn’t rip you off.
It turns out, sketchy online dealers aren’t the only people to worry about if you decide to buy weed through the mail. The Tulsa post office is bad about it, too. From Tulsa World:
A U.S. Postal Service supervisor admitted Monday to participating in a scheme with another employee known as “Chuck the Sniffer” to stealing marijuana from packages at the mail sorting facility in Tulsa.
Laura Mae Campbell, 47, of Claremore pleaded guilty in U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Oklahoma to one count of conspiracy as part of a plea agreement with prosecutors.[…]A search warrant affidavit filed in the case indicated that the U.S. Postal Service Office of Inspector General received a hotline tip in July that employees were taking drugs from rifled packages that went through the Tulsa center.
The complaint alleged Campbell and Derek Miller, also known as “Chuck the Sniffer,” were involved in the drug thefts.
I wonder if “Chuck the Sniffer” was his actual nickname around the office. My guess is that either he was a brown noser, or perhaps he had other, more expensive drug habits. Either way, it sounds exactly like a dude selling weed out of his apartment in Tulsa, so no one should have been surprised.
That’s a bogus way to score, though. Even though it’s a sketchy field, I’m all about making sure illegal drugs are sold in a dignified manner. If the baggie doesn’t smell like cheap unleaded gas, then you know it wasn’t smuggled the right way. Chuck the Sniffer and Laura Mae must have really screwed over our local stoner population to amass more than 70 pounds of MJ. That’s enough bad karma to last two life sentences. Jah will judge them harshly.
If you were expecting a green package in the mail and got ripped off, don’t let us know in the comments, because the man might be reading and that would really harsh everyone’s mellow.