I have done some dumb stuff out of boredom. For example, did you know that you can put a lit match at the bottom of an empty Carlo Rossi sangria bottle and because of science it will suck a hardboiled egg through the tiny neck of said bottle? Thanks to me being bored, you now have your next party trick. However, I have never been bored enough to do something as dumb as fake my own kidnapping, like good ol’ Jonathan.
An Oklahoma man was recently arrested on suspicion of blackmail and extortion after he allegedly faked his own kidnapping in order to collect ransom from some of his friends and family members, PEOPLE confirms.
Jonathon Michael Davis, 34, is also suspected of false reporting of a crime.
Oklahoma authorities say the case came to their attention on March 1 when Davis’ family members called police to report that he had been missing since Feb. 27 — and they were receiving ransom messages from his cell phone.
At first the messages were “just asking for money,” Owasso Police Department Deputy Chief Jason Woodruff tells PEOPLE, “and then it escalated to they were holding Mr. Davis captive and implied they would harm him physically if the family didn’t deposit money in a Paypal account.”
Man, this guy must have been desperate for money to fake his own kidnapping and demand ransom from his loved ones. How much did this guy ransom himself for? $5,000? $10,000?
The ransom amount, he says, was $375.
Or maybe he was just bored. Come on, Jonathon, have a little self-respect! By your mug shot, I’d say you are worth at least $425 and at most a Rascal Flats meet and greet package.
Woodruff says the purported kidnappers sent numerous texts about Davis, including a photo of a broken finger with a message that “they were going to continue breaking fingers until they pay.”
“I have John and I will continue to hurt him until you send the money,” one message read, according to Woodruff. “Tick tock, tick tock.”
The texts also threatened to harm Davis if anyone reported the situation to law enforcement, Woodruff says.
The article failed to report the amount or type of emojis utilized in said text messages. I am going to go on a limb and guess he used the gun, the rocketship, and at least four winky faces.
Hayley is thinking of the long-term. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek