Late last week, Oklahoma state employees announced that they would soon be joining teachers in a walkout, citing low pay and general ass-hattery by lawmakers as their reasons for walking out. However, I don’t think they will be the last profession to strike. Whether it be for pay, terrible working conditions, or dealing with Edmond moms as customers on a daily basis, many other Oklahomans find themselves being treated unfairly from the moment they clock in at work. So here are a few more professions that should probably stage their own walkout.
1. Bricktown Water Taxi Driver
Is there a more thankless or boring job being the person who has to drive lost, stuck in Oklahoma City tourists up and down the same six block drainage ditch of murky water. These people needs a pay raise, or at least the occasional opportunity to work the river sports rapids.
2. Kelly Ogle
Maybe it’s the ramen-inspired hairdo or nightly old man rants on My 2 Cents. Either way, nobody takes him seriously anymore. But Kelly knows if he walks out, they’ll see. They’ll all see.
3. Waffle House Employees
There are two kinds of Waffle House employees: salty 50 to 60-year-old broads name Janice or Marge who serenade you with a smoky narration of their life story and 19-year-old guys who only work there to have easier access to the truckers who buy their meth. But both types of employees share a common struggle: the 2:00 AM crowd. Think back to the last time you visited a Waffle House after quarter beer night at Cowboys. Nobody deserves the working conditions you and your frat brothers created. They should strike.
4. Braum’s Assistant Managers
Not only do they lack the authority to issue those $5 coupons whenever Garret, the high school sophomore new hire with acne and the inability to make direct eye-contact, forgets to give out a receipt in the drive-thru. But the assistant managers at Braum’s also have to wear the second most unflattering color of aprons. There is no respect for their position.
5. Oklahoma Lawmakers
They don’t do anything for our state anyway. Who would give a shit if they staged a walkout?
6. The Largemouth Bass in Bass Pro Shop’s Tank
Have you ever seen a largemouth bass at Bass Pro Shop take a lunch break? No, they are forced to eat on the clock as a half a dozen prepubescent patrons throw bait into their tank every 3-4 hours. Worse yet, word on the street says these fish don’t even draw a steady paycheck for all of their time on the clock. No one should stand these kinds of work conditions. I’d say they should stage a walkout, but evolution has yet to grant them legs.
7. Thunder Stormchasers
These guys and gals get paid something like $10 and hour to pop a couple of molly 8-balls and run around a lifeless Chesapeake Arena trying to “pump up” and “excite” generally annoyed fans. For the sake of everyone, they should walk out.
8. Real Stormchasers
Can you imagine what would happen if Val, Marty and Chance Coldiron led a walkout of Oklahoma stormchasers the night before the first PDS tornado genesis of the severe weather season? The legislature would probably untie and pass emergency legislation offer them tax subsidies and the right to drive as fast as they want without any recourse.
9. The Quail Springs Mall Escalators
They should strike because everyone just seems to walk all over them! (ba dum, tiss)
10. Indie/Hipster Guys with Guitars at Every Paseo, Plaza, and Midtown Bar on Thursday Nights
Their airy, wispy voices accompanied by the same 7 chords played in different orders throughout the 10 songs on their set lists provide the background music to 92% of the metro’s Tinder dates. Maybe if they walked out a night or two, we would miss and appreciate their art. Because nobody seems to tip them, let alone understand the #deepthoughts in their lyrics.
Laziness breeds ingenuity. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek