Ogle Madness XI: East Region, Upper Bracket

Spring is in the air, which means a lot of things –patio season, tornadoes, and your Instagram feed filling up with your friend’s cheesy wedding photography where they’re awkwardly posing in a public park somewhere.

It also means the eleventh edition of Ogle Madness, where you, the dear reader, will choose who is the greatest, uh, Oklahoman? The winner will join our hallowed pantheon with other former champions like Russell Westbrook, that other player who we don’t like anymore, Gary England, Lacey Swope, Emily Sutton and even something called a Lauren Richardson. Basically, if you’re an NBA star or a television meteorologist, the odds are pretty stacked in your favor.

With that tip in mind, we’re running a bracket contest. Fill out your official Ogle Madness XI and email it OgleMadness@gmail.com by 11:59pm tonight for your chance to win a $250 feast for you and your friends to Fassler Hall. Maybe you can convince the champion to join you for dinner, but we highly discourage referring to it as a “sausage party.”

Today, we’ll be going through the East Region. First, we’ll start with the Upper Bracket. Let’s check out the match-ups:

(1) Panhandling Teacher vs (16) Oklahoma Lawmakers

(8) Mick Cornett vs (9) Todd Lamb

(4) Weather Dongs vs (13) Kirk Humphreys

(5) Quail Creek Fuck and Float vs (12) Mary Fallin

The first match-up is pretty juicy. We’re likely to see these two face off in real life pretty soon, so let’s see if we can predict the winner!

Vote after the jump!

(1) Panhandling Teacher

Who: Someone whose classroom doesn’t have school supplies

Biggest Strength: The only panhandler most people will tolerate

Biggest Weakness: Can’t afford a box of Crayolas

(16) Oklahoma Lawmakers

Who: People we elected yet really dislike

Biggest Strength: Wasting time and money by writing unconstitutional bills

Biggest Weakness: Only listens to the oil industry

(1) Panhandling Teacher vs (16) Oklahoma Lawmakers

  • (1) Panhandling Teacher (88%, 392 Votes)
  • (16) Oklahoma Lawmakers (12%, 54 Votes)

Total Voters: 446

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(8) Mick Cornett 

Who: Outgoing OKC mayor / current gubernatorial candidate

Biggest Strength: Convincing Oklahomans to vote for large-scale infrastructure projects

Biggest Weakness: Only eats the “healthy” stuff at Taco Bell

(9) Todd Lamb

Who:  Lt. Governor amd current gubernatorial candidate

Biggest Strength: Traditional Oklahoma Republican, friends with Larry Nichols

Biggest Weakness: Really boring

(8) Mick Cornett vs (9) Todd Lamb

  • (8) Mick Cornett (90%, 403 Votes)
  • (9) Todd Lamb (10%, 47 Votes)

Total Voters: 450

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(4) Weather Dongs

Who: Meteorological phenomenon of the phallic kind

Biggest Strength: Never not funny

Biggest Weakness: Can’t keep it up long enough

(13) Kirk Humphreys

Who: Sexist/homophobic former OKC mayor

Biggest Strength: Has never had to make a sandwich for himself

Biggest Weakness: Bad at apologies

(4) Weather Dongs vs (13) Kirk Humphreys

  • (4) Weather Dongs (93%, 412 Votes)
  • (13) Kirk Humphreys (7%, 33 Votes)

Total Voters: 445

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(5) Quail Creek Fuck and Float

Who: Unfortunately typefaced flier

Biggest Strength: Great idea for a Pornhub search query

Biggest Weakness: False advertising

(12) Mary Fallin

Who: Current Governor of Oklahoma

Biggest Strength: Friends with the president

Biggest Weakness: Can’t pass a successful budget to save her life

(5) Quail Creek Fuck and Float vs (12) Mary Fallin

  • (5) Quail Creek Fuck (91%, 404 Votes)
  • (12) Mary Fallin (9%, 38 Votes)

Total Voters: 442

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