So… the Great Oklahoma Teachers Walkout of 2018 is over?
I guess if you believe the Oklahoma Education Association it is. With OEA President Alicia Priest claiming a “victory,” teachers have been ordered back to classes today, with a steadfast few still pledging to soldier on at the State Capitol in some wholly impressive but probably ineffective heel-digging.
Obviously, the teachers did okay in the deal. Doing the math, the $479 million lawmakers have agreed to give educators averages out about a $6,000 pay raise next year and, even worse, about $1,250 for school support staff. That’s a nice chunk of change, and moves most entry-level teachers from the lower middle-class to the almost middle-class. As a result of the big raise – and with teachers likely losing all of their free and discounted food and meals from the numerous restaurants that felt not only the teachers’ pain, but the soothing balm of good PR – we thought it would be fun to list some nice local restaurants where teachers can celebrate their big raise…
1. CiCi’s Pizza
Now that those privileges to Mazzio’s Endless Bummer Buffer look like they will revoked, those Tuesday nights of dining like Italian kings and queens are, sadly, over; yes, it’s now back to CiCi’s and their daily $5.99 Unlimited Buffet (drink not included), just like the rest of us impoverished slobs. On the plus side, with a wider range of hearty favorites such as buffalo chicken, spinach and mac and cheese pizza on the menu, as well as a salad bar that actually offers more vegetables than just iceberg lettuce and cherry tomatoes, you’ll be able keep both rickets and scurvy at bay for at least another month.
2. OnCue / QuikTrip
When it comes to talking about teacher pay, people always like to bring up the statistic that OnCue Managers make more than Oklahoma teachers, but it’s starting to look like the playing field is almost maybe sort of kind of (?) level. To celebrate this proud achieve for Okie educators, grab those sticky coins from the center console of your Geo Metro and forcefully strut through them double doors like Mick Jagger on the 1981 Rolling Stones Still Life Tour, cocksuredly shoving a pair of “2 for $2.00” bean and cheese Tornados in your mouth like you f’ing run the place because, with your numerous degrees and everything, you really f’ing should, girlfriend.
3. Dollar Tree
Attention, educators: Dollar Tree is no longer just for school supplies and razor blades anymore! With the addition of an entire freezer section, it’s the closest you can come to affording groceries again without having to use food stamps (but seriously, you should get on food stamps). With surprising offerings like Jamaican-style spicy chicken patties, BBQ pork riblets and even, yes, ribeye steaks, there’s no reason not to light up the grill tonight and huddle for heat over the flames while you cook up some of these questionable one buck eats for the entire fam, or, let’s be honest, just for yourself.
4. The Salvation Army
Mmm-mmm, soup is good food and it’s even better when it’s free and served by volunteers to Oklahoma City’s neediest and most destitute citizens which, oh happy day, now includes you. Everyday, usually starting around the supper hour, area food banks and homeless shelters offer hot and filling meals for nothing more than a signature and a sermon. Hey now, beggars can’t be choosers and you chose to become a teacher in Oklahoma, so don’t slurp, keep your elbows off the table and bon apatite, I guess.
5. The Mall Food Court
When taking a few minutes off from your second job at Yankee Candle, make sure to peruse the food court for leftover eats such as unfinished beef broccoli, errant gyro meat and the always abundant unwanted pizza crusts as a way to grab not only a quick bite but the necessary vitamins and nutrients needed to make it through another day until morning when you can dig some leftover sausage-on-a-sticks out of the lunchroom garbage cans.
6. Dinner with Mom and Dad
Sure, your ‘rents love you and they always will, but they never figured they’d be spending their remaining golden years feeding you again and cleaning up again and what’s this? You’re moving back in? And you can’t contribute towards groceries? Pass the tuna casserole and the picket signage!