If you owe more than the worth of your soul in student debt, have ever worked a minimum wage job as an adult, or are a fan of Pinterest projects you will never complete, you’ve probably visited the Facebook Marketplace for your supply of gently used shop vacs, once used ellipticals, and mattresses with stains that look something you’d see on Forensic Files. That being said, the Marketplace is also a great way to earn a few extra dollars for beer money or make a sketchy new friend, like Jason Henderson.
TULSA, Okla. – A man was arrested after allegedly selling stolen items on Facebook, according to the Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office (TCSO).
Authorities say it started when a burglary victim called officials after seeing his property for sale on a Facebook marketplace.
Officials arrested Jason Henderson, 44, after he arrived to meet the “perspective buyer” Monday night.
But how did they prove he was the culprit? Did the cops find his fingerprints at the victim’s home? Did the Tulsa Police Department hire a psychic? Did Jason Henderson undergo twelve hours of nonstop interrogation under hot lights in the back of a police van until the authorities secured a confession???
Here’s the answer:
Numerous stolen items were found in Henderson’s vehicle. Officials say he was even wearing the victim’s stolen clothes.
Well that was anticlimactic. So Jason was caught wearing the stolen clothes. But come on. If your sense of fashion is coveted by a man who looks like an extra on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, you need to change up your wardrobe anyway.
And what better place to shop for some new threads than the Facebook Marketplace! Seriously, you can find anything along any price range on the site. But like any other time you scrounge into the depths of the internet, there you are bound to come across something that you can’t unsee, no matter how much you pray or drink. So to save you from spending another 7 minutes wasting company time on Facebook to see for yourself, I’ve compiled a list that will help you waste 7 minutes on TLO. Here’s 5 of the sketchiest metro Facebook Marketplace finds!
Burger King Costume
Up first on the list is a Burger King costume. This purchase is perfect for getting a jump start on your Halloween getup, giving your 3-year-old nephew trauma symptoms, or convincing your next-door neighbor Cheryl that her second husband is back from the dead.
Vince McMahon Figure
Do you want a gift that says, “I love you so much, I’d purposefully drive to Yukon to buy your affection?” Then have I got the gift for you! The Vince McMahon Ruthless Aggression wrestling figure is perfect for the WWE aficionado or novelty dildo collector in your life.
I am not really sure what is being sold here, the knee-high sandal or the human leg. I don’t even know which one would be considered sketchier. But I can’t deny that either one would be “very sexy on.”
Crime Scene Tape From Rental House That Burned Down
Wrap this around the front porch before your wife gets home from work for a prank that will create a hilarious memory to last a lifetime or the final straw in her decision to divorce you. Plus, according to the description, buy this crime scene tape now and you will be supporting a kid’s trip to diabetes camp or church camp. Come on, what would Jesus do?
Look, as a broke millennial I am all for free stuff. But this couch looks like at least 4 unplanned pregnancies and 1 half-baked get rich quick scheme were conceived on it.
Even Hayley gets paid to facebook. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek