Welcome to Cal’s Corner – a recurring look at Oklahoma politics featuring former Oklahoma State Rep and longtime TLO commenter Cal Hobson… or at least someone pretending to be Cal Hobson. We may never know the truth.
Sorry. It’s Cal’s Chronicle. Today I’m bringing you a brief compilation of reasons not to vote for five state incumbents who will appear for your rejection on the primary ballot June 26th. The competition for this dubious designation was intense and for those who didn’t make the first cut please accept my apologies. Frankly, it’s your own damn fault. You occasionally displayed the ability to find a rotunda bathroom without assistance, didn’t always get lost going to your committee assignments, and on at least two occasions it is reliably reported by TLO moles you actually paid for your own lunch.
Without further adieu, let me introduce you to my five boo boos!
1. Representative Mike Ritze (R) Broken Arrow
An easy choice. His green voting button, which means he could cast a yes vote, has been permanently removed from his desk on the house floor for lack of use. Over time the same debilitating affliction has destroyed his brain. Even more embarrassing this Never Wounded Warrior says he earned a Purple Heart which, as it turns out, ain’t true. Therefore the only purple he deserves would obviously be in a couple of shiners.
2. Representative Bobby Cleveland (R) Slaughterville
We are neighbors in the Lexington area but exist in different worlds. He is a proud member of something called the Platform Caucus, a tight knit, but loose screw, cabal of crazies that prides itself on talking endlessly about the United States Constitution while simultaneously proving they have never read it.
3. Representative Kevin Calvey (R) OKC
Technically, my old pal Kev is term limited in the legislature, but he’s running for Oklahoma County commissioner so I thought I’d include him.
Perhaps he should have been named first among this group of goofs, because he certainly is the biggest hypocrite ever to pocket an endless stream of taxpayer funded checks. Light Me Up On The Steps Of The Supreme Court Building Calvey claims to hate government but has been drawing down public dollars since he was about four. Electing him to County Commissioner, a demanding job performed so well by current occupant Ray Vaughn, makes about as much sense as hiring The Donald to drain a swamp in Washington. But voting and making sense is Oklahoma’s most common non-sequitur. How about that for a fancy word? But you’re right. I don’t know what it means either but it sounds to me like a nice non-alcoholic French blush.
4. Speaker Charles McCall (R) Atoka
Speaking of fancy, let’s now turn our backs on Representative and Speaker of the House Charles McCall (R) Atoka, who should embody the phrase “to whom much has been given”. In his case you can forget that biblical admonition. Inheritor of his granddaddy’s bank, McCall hasn’t hit a lick in his life, including his current time as elected leader of the House. He never presides over the body, allows his minions to run the place into the ground and fired the only smart woman in the Republican caucus because she proved she was. This entitled plutocrat spends much of the off season lounging around in Mexico while waiting his turn to be anointed for Congress by Saint Coburn, where he will fit in perfectly – do nothing, see nothing, say nothing – all on your dime, which is actually $174,000 per year plus benefits.
5. Representative Tess Teague (R) Choctaw
Lastly, and appropriately so, I offer up Representative Tess Teague (R) Choctaw who is in a heap of trouble for two reasons – she’s smart-challenged and people know it. It appears about everybody 21 or so in her Eastern Oklahoma county district realizes that number slightly exceeds Ms Teague’s IQ. Consequently she has seven opponents – four Democrats and three Republicans – which tells you Tess is an equal opportunity offender. Tongue Tied Tess is also widely considered the worst debater in the house, beating out Mumbles McBride from Moore, Freeze Up Frix from Muskogee and Waffling Wallace of Wellston. Honorable mention goes to Never Wright from Weatherford, who is in charge of House rules.
Voters, do all of us Oglers a huge favor and defeat these self dealing dummies. If you do, Oklahoma will be in a better place and so will they……..back home, out of sight and out of the way.