7 Tips to Improve Your Metro Garage Sale Haul

Happy Monday, everyone! We are getting closer to the metaphorical Satan’s armpit that is the Oklahoma Summertime. Thankfully, with the warmer weather comes June bugs, salty frog snow cones, and garage sales. With 85% of my furniture, dishware, and Johnny Cash memorabilia having been acquired through second hand purchases, I consider myself to be a seasoned garage sale patron. So I thought I would pass along some of my wisdom to help you readers navigate the yard sale scene so you can furnish your step-kid’s one bedroom apartment without going into more debt that he will never repay. So here are 7 tips to improve your metro garage sale haul!

Bring cash

I can already tell you that your 63-year-old neighbor Judy’s garage sale is not going to take PayPal, let alone the VISA credit card your mom lets you use for emergencies. So make sure you have enough cash on hand to afford the sack full of slightly used cowboy erotica novels she’s selling for $15.\-

Watch the Obituaries

This is what we in the garage sale business call the long game. The $1.50 weekly investment in a copy of the Sunday Daily Oklahoman’s obituary section will pay off if you keep it for 4-5 weeks. That’s because 93% of the time the family of the deceased will host an estate sale on average 30 days after the date of their loved one’s death.

Keep the majority of your money in your sock

It is really hard to convince a seller that they need to knock a few bucks off of the $20 they’re asking for the old lime green Huffy Bicycle if you open your wallet to pay and reveal at least three Andrew Jacksons. So keep the majority of your money in your socks. That way if you do end up having to break into your sock reserve, your money will be so sweaty the seller will likely refuse it after all.

Go to Nichols Hills

The Nichols Hills garage sales are the best for two reasons. One, the residents seem to get new furniture every two and a half minutes, which means you can get your hands on some Ashley recliners for only 5-6 hours’ worth of minimum wage employment. Two, if you play your cards right it is probably the only time you can drive through Nichols Hills without arousing suspicion.  Just make sure you choose the friend with the nicest car to drive you all to the garage sale. You don’t want to roll up in the Nichols Hills Police Department’s jurisdiction in a 2001 Toyota Camry. That’s the quickest way to get a vagrancy charge causing you to roll out in a 2017 Dodge Charger police cruiser.

Bring a buddy

Like I said, it is important to have cash on hand. You don’t want to find an original Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band record for $20 when you only have $10. A buddy is useful to hold on to your merch while you make a quick run to an ATM. A buddy is also helpful if you need backup when both you and some crotchety old broad are about to go head-to-head for that $30 weedwhacker.

Don’t be afraid to haggle

One of the biggest mistakes new garage sale patrons make is taking the handwritten yellow price sticker seriously. If you can haggle down a couple of grand on the price of a new car at Bob Moore Subaru, what makes you think you can’t talk down the price of those matching bean bag chairs with only 3 or 4 suspicious stains? Believe me, sellers are as eager to get rid of the useless crap in their driveway as you are eager to spruce up your bachelor pad.

Make sure the address is listed as a garage sale on at least one website

Pulling up in a driveway to take a gander at the merchandise spread out on some guy’s front yard, only to find out the guy is actually a hoarder who has no intention of selling anything sprawled out across his lawn is embarrassing for everyone involved.

Hayley got a sweet-ass mushroom canister set in her most recent garage sale haul.  Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek