It’s time, Oklahoma. We need to talk about mediocre men. Like three of you in the comments on my dating post last week said you were interested, and that’s all I needed to hear. (I will move mountains at the slightest hint of validation.)
Before I get too far into it, I would like to state for the record that not all men are mediocre. I would never set up that sort of straw man fallacy of an argument, but I would like to prevent some readers from setting up their own slippery slope. (You must be firm with the mediocre men, after all. They just need a good nanny tone of voice to keep them in line.) And, lest you take to the comments to state that the evidence I’m about to present is anecdotal, please remember two things:
1. Yes, it is. I don’t have the time or energy to do some legit deep-digging research for a TLO post. I would love to, but it ain’t in the cards. At least for now.
2. Oklahoma isn’t really a great place for women. We hear it every so often in the news, but remember that I’m experiencing it every day. So allow this chip on my shoulder to entertain you for a few paragraphs. And if it doesn’t, well, you didn’t pay anything to be here, so have a great day.
With that, let’s begin.
Sure, there are some good jobs in Oklahoma. But if you don’t have the right last name, or if you don’t often mistake vented Columbia fishing shirts for business casual, it seems those jobs aren’t available to you. And God help you if you work for a family-owned local business. There is nothing like working your ass off to never move up because the owner’s stepson is the head of your department, makes six figures despite any real skills or experience, and jacks off in the bathroom twice a day.
But I digress.
While we could sit for days discussing the lack of opportunity available to us, I would like to talk about the opportunities that have been made available to a select few paragons of mediocrity.
(Yes, I’m aware that’s a paradox. But so is the fact that some of these dudes are still employed.)
No offense to Deano, here. And truly, he shouldn’t take offense because I’m just going to recap some of the things he’s done. If he wants to be offended, he should have a stern talking to himself.
Dean Blevins is a man who everyone has heard piss on the air. He also once got suspended from work for tweeting a video of Bourbon Street flasher and tagging his employer in it. He also accuses his coworkers of stealing his Smart Ones. (Like anyone would! Those are bar none the worst frozen low-calorie meals.) Oh, and he’s tweeted his bank account info.
And yet, he’s still employed. Sure, he has experience. But can you imagine being caught pissing on a conference call at your job? Would you still be getting a paycheck?
Regular Jim Traber
I felt this list had a lot of sports broadcasters on it, so I asked a red-blooded American male if he thought that sportscasters leaned toward the mediocre. He chuckled, and said yes.
Imagine, if you will, how locked down you’d keep your social media profiles if you had to use them for work. Would you not be professional 100% of the time, especially if you belonged to certain groups of people who actually experience consequences? Well, Jim isn’t in one of those groups. That’s how his wife was able to call out a woman/catfisher who was flirting with him. And now Jim doesn’t do Twitter. Because he can do that, as a media professional in this market. Like, seriously. You tell me another broadcaster who would be allowed to go without a Twitter account.
Remember when Aaron Tuttle yelled at his coworkers? Remember when he tried to sue us? Remember how he spends his time on Facebook convincing people the wrath of God is coming right for them? I don’t know why anyone would follow him or use his app, or how the FAA keeps him on the payroll as their meteorologist. But that’s kind of the theme of this post, right? Like, why do we keep enabling these mediocre men?
(And I say we. As a state, we’re responsible for this. If you see something, say something.)
Even though he’s a professional rocket surgeon, Doerflinger makes this list too. If his inability to follow basic laws designed to keep drivers safe or his DUI don’t convince you that he shouldn’t be employed as a public official to oversee the state budget, then maybe the time he assaulted his then-wife will. Should violent men be on the taxpayer’s payroll? No. But, this is Oklahoma. Luckily Doerflinger resigned, but he definitely should’ve been fired.
Ryan Tate (Mediocre Emeritus)
I do love to beat a dead horse, but I just wanted to refresh everyone’s memory, lest they forgot about this freakin’ guy. Sure, he may have gotten his comeuppance after he was indicted, and then caught selling bad cars on Craigslist. And we can’t leave out the time he compared himself to Jesus. But as someone who used to work at Tate Publishing, I just wanted to add one little thing. Ryan Tate, the CEO of a publishing company, once told the employees in a staff meeting that he didn’t like to read fiction. I think he thought he was making himself appear superior, when in fact, he was looking like the spoiled son of two people who wanted to start a Ponzi scheme and call it a publishing company.
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