TLO Lifestyles: How to dress for Redneck Yacht Club

A common characteristic of the glossy, perfume sample-laden drug store magazines that line the shelves of checkout are the recurring Lifestyle guides that inform readers of the latest fashion, the hottest trends, or whether gauchos have finally made a comeback in women’s fashion.

News flash: they haven’t.

Lifestyle guides aim to instruct readers on how to make small changes in their routines, wardrobe, and social circle in order to live their #BestLife, or at least look good on social media. However, a lot of the articles are often written to appeal to the mainstream’s idea of what is hip and cool.  It’s about time we had a lifestyle guide written for the average TLO reader. Because let’s face it: we TLO people are more likely to wear a layer of Cheetos dust on our sweatpants than Chanel No 5 Eau De Parfum. So to help you start living your best life, here is your first TLO Lifestyle Guide: dressing in proper Redneck Yacht Club attire.

For Women

There are only three reasons why a lady should ever find herself at Redneck Yacht Club: to take revenge on her ex by keying up his 2003 Dodge Durango, to dance with generic and methed up versions of Luke Bryan, or to get laid. But whatever the reason you decide to go into RYC, there are a few must-haves you’ll need to make sure you’re the one grinding to “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” with some guy named Cody by the end of the night.

Clothing

Your clothing portrays your persona. The persona of RYC is a mixture between trailer-chic and hipster cowboy. Go for a little denim, a lot of flannel, and a pair of cowboy boots. And remember, the higher the hair, the closer to God.  So if you don’t want God to see what you’re up to all night, keep your hair pretty low key.

Accessories

There are two types of accessories to consider when dressing for RYC: the fashionable and the functional.  For the fashionable, it is recommended you wear a turquoise rock-studded cross necklace to counteract your clothing choice. As for the functional, depending on the night you’re expecting to have, either bring mace or condoms. Or both, as long as two consenting adults are involved.

Attitude

Somewhere between Dolly Parton circa 1978 and Avril Lavine anytime.

 

For Men

Men find themselves at Redneck Yacht Club for a variety of reasons, all of which would probably be considered a sin in every religion on the planet. Most men seem to think that a black t-shirt and a sweet ass vape provide all the cool points they need for a successful night at RYC.  But there is more to being cool at RYC than simply looking like ½ of Brooks & Dunn.

Clothing

At RYC, I’ve never seen a guy wear anything but a pair of Levi’s, work boots, and some variation of a Hayne’s basic t-shirt. As long as you don’t have holes or chili stains running down the front of your white v-neck, you should be fine.

Accessories

Proper headwear for RYC includes Hooey snapbacks or the cap that one salesman gave you out on location last week. Word for the wise: if you step foot in RYC wearing a cowboy hat, that is the quickest way to tell the other patrons that you need your ass kicked.

Attitude

FACT. 74% of male RYC attendees get into a fist fight within the first 3 Jim Beam shots. The other 26% were too drunk to respond accurately to this survey. So, if you’re going to RYC, you have to have a tough attitude that lies somewhere between Conway Twitty and Rick Flair.

Hopefully this guide will be helpful for your next Saturday night honky-tonking it up and down the cold, hard streets of OKC. If it isn’t, maybe you should continue to get your Lifestyle advice from The Oklahoman like everyone else.

Yee-haw.  Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek