Oklahomans may not be very good at electing public officials, cooking main dishes that aren’t ranch dressing-based, or choosing states to live in. But one thing we are good at is complaining. For Oklahomans, to air grievances is more than just a cathartic release. It is also a bonding experience. In fact, at least 3 of my 5 closest friendships began through a mutual dislike of something. So to give you something else to vent about to your best friend and remind you why you stopped going to Sonic Happy Hour, here are 8 things that every Oklahoman loves to complain about.
The Oklahoma heat can actually give you a lot of material to complain about. You can gripe about how you’ve already sweat through your deodorant by 10:00 AM. You can rant about forgetting to put your sun visor up in the windshield so now the cab of your truck feels like a giant Satan fart. Or you can go the old-fashioned route by giving Chief Meteorologist Damon Lane three or four middle names that I cannot repeat on this family website.
Not Enough “Good Ice”
The only thing more satisfying than crunching a handful of Sonic ice on a blistering hot Oklahoma afternoon is daydreaming about going all Office Space on your work laptop or general manager after a team meeting that everyone knows was directed at you. Oklahomans freaking love Sonic. But no matter how refreshing the innards of that Styrofoam cup, there is just never enough of that “good ice” in that cherry vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper.
Too Much Ice
Even though the Route 44 claims to provide a solid 4 servings of a liquid diabetes refreshment, everyone knows that the drinks they serve at happy hour are so full of ice that they are not worth the $1.39 you pulled from your kid’s swear jar.
Pioneer Woman Recipes
There is nothing worse than being half way through making a Pioneer Woman-inspired penne puttanesca and realizing you don’t have a third of the pretentious ingredients it calls for. I highly doubt the “real” pioneer that inspires your meals actually had capers, Ree.
Bradford Pear Trees
The allergies. Their tendency to fall over if your kid gets too close to it with a dandelion. The sweet, sweet smell of urine. The lack of actual pears. There are multiple reasons to have a beef against Bradford Pear trees. But for some reason, everyone still has at least one in their front yard.
The Lost Ogle
Scroll through a couple of comments sections and see for yourself.
Nothing brings people in Oklahoma together more than their mutual hatred for Kevin Durant. Popular complaints against the tall man with the bouncy ball include his disloyalty to the state, his feeling victimized by the twitter hate for his own decision to leave it, and the fact that his facial hair looks like a nicely groomed bikini line.
The Church Crowd
FACT. If you do not get your grocery shopping and Thai food devouring in by 12:00 PM on a Sunday afternoon, you will spend the whole afternoon standing in line behind a family of seven to thirty-five, watching defeatedly as they order the last Sunday brunch special. Everyone complains about the Sunday church crowd, including Sunday church goers. In fact, 93% of all church goers have at one point left service early to avoid the church crowd.
Hayley spent 20 minutes complaining about Toto’s “Africa” prior to writing this piece. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek