Here in a few weeks, Oklahoma voters will cast their ballots on SQ 788 – a state question that, if passed, will legalize medical marijuana in the state, and in the process, turn Oklahoma into a dystopian, hedonistic hellhole where legal-aged, law-abiding adults will be able to use, based on a medical professional’s recommendation, a non-lethal plant-based medicine to treat a wide variety of ailments ranging from seizures to stomach aches to severe boredom.
Naturally, letting people of all races, classes and nationalities do something that doesn’t hurt or interfere with other people’s lives is a very bad idea, and goes against the great draconian fabric of Oklahoma society. As a result, we thought it would be prudent and wise to share seven reasons why people should vote against SQ 788.
1.Medical Marijuana will hurt the Oklahoma funeral home industry
As it’s been widely reported in the media, marijuana (a non lethal substance that killed zero Oklahomans in 2017) may help those who use or are addicted to opioids (a very lethal substance that killed 844 in 2017). Additionally, Reuters recently reported that the number of people killed in traffic accidents dropped in some states after medical marijuana laws were enacted. Both of those things are good news for people who want to live longer, but bad news for Oklahoma’s thriving funeral home industry.
2. You’re an authoritarian control freak who thinks everyone should live their life according to your values and moral code.
The most vocal opponent to SQ 788 has been Senator James Lankford. In his recent anti-SQ 788 commercial, he smarmily rattles off a list of political talking point buzzwords (workplaces, families, schools) that won’t be made “better” or “safer” if more people smoke marijuana.
I guess no one told him that A) people in Oklahoma already use marijuana illegally, and risk their freedom in doing so, and B) legalizing marijuana doesn’t mean more people will smoke it. For example, in Colorado, teen marijuana use actually dropped once it was fully legalized.
Of course, stuff like that doesn’t matter to Senator Skeletor. He’s against medical marijuana because he doesn’t like it, and knows the best and most wholesome way for you to live your life, which is the exactly they way things should be.
3. You work for INTEGRIS Health
Yesterday afternoon, INTEGRIS sent the following email to it’s employees urging them to vote against SQ 788. Naturally, it was quickly shared on Reddit:
Here’s the deal. I used to work for an INTEGRIS joint venture. I’ve also been given an INTEGRIS executive physical. We also like to promote INTEGRIS Men’s Health events on this website. As a result of all that, I’m just going to say that INTEGRIS is 100% correct on this. SQ 788 is a really bad policy. INTEGRIS employees should heed their employer’s advice and vote against this totally awful legislation that puts dentists, podiatrists and even chiropractors in the same category as M.D.s and D.O.s. That’s outrageous and wrong.
4. It will put illegal drug dealers out of work
Sure, there will still be an illegal black market for weed if SQ 788 passes. You don’t have to watch an episode of Moonshiners to know that you can’t weed out a multi-billion-dollar black market distribution system overnight, but medicinal marijuana legalization will hurt the pocket books of those mom and pop weed dealers who make a nice living bringing the medical stuff in from Colorado and selling it for three to five to ten times more than what they paid for it. The rest will probably just open a dispensary, and sell the product legally without having to fear having their life destroyed by the Oklahoma justice system, which leads to…
5. Oklahoma Law Enforcement officials will have to focus on enforcing less profitable crimes.
As we’ve documented on this site over the years, Oklahoma law enforcement officials are terrified about how medical marijuana legalization will affect their ability to enforce and profit off of victimless crimes that disproportionally target lower income Oklahomans and minorities. If SQ 788 passes, they’ll have to (gasp) focus on real police work, and come up with new excuses to freeze assets and impose fines on Oklahoma citizens. If they don’t, Oklahoma will be in jeopardy of losing it’s title of Prison Capital of the World.
6. You enjoy the thrill of sneaking edibles on a plane on the way back from your Colorado ski trip.
Successfully sneaking edibles on a plane from the Denver airport is a lot more fun than bringing back six-point beer from Texas. Keep the thrill alive!!!
7. You’re a hypocrite.
Although alcohol is the most deadly drug in human history, and responsible for thousands and thousands of preventable deaths, injuries and health issues for Oklahomans each year, INTEGRIS Health, along with its broader coalition of “business and medical leaders” (a.k.a. The Oklahoma Ruling Class), didn’t seem to have an issue with the recent state questions that expanded wine and strong-beer sales to grocery stores. Then again, you don’t need to get a doctor’s permission to buy a six pack of Ogletoberfest from Homeland. Maybe the folks in the alcohol industry are onto something. Let’s just legalize all forms of marijuana for recreational use.