Are Oklahoma City drivers too dumb for the new streetcar?

Just about any time you talk to somebody visiting from out-of-state, they complain about how bad the drivers are here. Of course, initially this is triggering and you get defensive cuz hey, how DARE you talk about Oklahomans like that?! We’re nice and hard-working people, and we drive just fine!

Deep down though, you’re like ‘Yeah we’re all dummies who deserve to have our licences revoked.’ How many times do you see someone going 50 mph in the left lane on the highway, sitting at the front of the line when the light turns green for what seems like eternity, or double parking their chrome testicled pick-up truck? All three of those on every commute you take every day, right?

Not that we’re worse than anywhere else in the country. Texans drive with such nihilistic intensity that every trek through Dallas or Houston feels like a real life Fury Road, only with more Home Depots and slightly less spray paint huffing. New Yorkers control their vehicles with such wild and unhinged movements that is seems like every driver is just two kids, one on the wheel and the other clunking the pedals.

The examples could go on and on, but today we are here to shame Oklahoma, and specifically OKC, for being poor motorists. With the new streetcar that is nearing the end of its construction phase, I’m incredibly fearful that drivers in Midtown and Downtown will not be smart or coordinated enough to avoid some kind of potentially deadly collision.

(If you’ve ever watched confused drivers attempting to navigate the roundabout at 10th and Walker, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The streetcar will be traveling right through this intersection. We are doomed.)

Even though the street car is still in construction, people are already losing their goddamn minds and doing things with their vehicles that could be described as inadvisable at best, and outright deranged at the worst. Let’s start with the worst. From KFOR:

OKLAHOMA CITY – Construction for the Oklahoma City Streetcar is still underway and, somehow, a car has made its way onto its tracks.

That was the situation on Sunday near 11th and Harvey, where the car was seen sitting on top of the tracks.

There’s no word on just how the car got there or if it has damaged part of the tracks.

HOW? WHY? I’ll at least concede that alcohol was probably involved in this decision-making, but that doesn’t make the situation any better. Of course, the driver should have called a ride, but I’ve also taken rides with Uber and Lyft where it was an old lady with night blindness running red lights, not to mention the guy who brought along his common-law so she could blow into his Breathalyzer.

Maybe this was just an outlier, surely the rest of us are responsible enough to have nice things, right?

Wrong. And it’s not just the quality of driving that we need to worry about. People in Oklahoma City are so bad at parking that it could be disastrous.

What is going to happen when a jackass is parked where they shouldn’t and the streetcar comes barreling through? If it didn’t mean damaging expensive city infrastructure, I’d say just hit the gas and roll right through whatever SUV is parked there. Obviously, that won’t be the case, so does that mean the entire thing just gets shut down while they wait for a tow truck to take care of things, making everyone else late for work?

The most bitter irony of all of this is that people in Oklahoma have such deep pro-car, fuck-public-transit attitudes, when clearly so many of us aren’t responsible enough to handle driving. If you’re reading this right now and thinking, ‘Yeah, everyone else is such a bad driver!,’ you are one of them too, I promise. Try riding the bus (or the streetcar, when that’s operational), and keep your reckless self off the road.