Braum’s wants you to celebrate their 50th Birthday…

As any red-blooded Oklahoman with a penchant for fats, I like to stay up to date on the comings and goings of Braum’s. It’s my favorite fast food burger, and their sea salt caramel cashew ice cream is the closest I’ll ever come to knowing God.

So it’s for that reason that I’m all over their tweets. And if you feel the same, then you probably heard that Braum’s is about to turn 50. According to a blog post on their website:

Can you guess who’s turning 50 this year? That’s right – here at Braum’s, we’re celebrating our golden anniversary! Over the last 50 years, we’ve enjoyed making life sweeter for our customers. Want to kick off this big anniversary with a bang? Host your own Braum’s anniversary ice cream social for your family and friends!

That’s right, friends! You can pay for your own ice cream and invite your own friends over to your own home and have a birthday party for Braum’s. No free ice cream or birthday party events at your local ice cream and dairy store! It’s time for you to show your appreciation by footing the bill yourself.

The post on the Braum’s blog gives all manner of recommendations for decorations, a sundae bar, and what activities you should have at your event. But we here at TLO have a few ideas of our own. And it’s with that I give you how to celebrate Braum’s 50th birthday!

(Side note: Braum’s, I’m about to drag you. But know that I would quit TLO in a heartbeat if you’d let me blog for you. As an individual who has consumed more of your products than the average Oklahoman, I feel uniquely suited for this task. Hit me up if you’re interested.)

1. Take Your Time.

What’s a trip to Braum’s without waiting a really long time for your order? It doesn’t matter how many people are working or what you order. When you go to Braum’s, you know it’s going to take longer than anything called fast food should. So, when your guests arrive for your Braum’s party, make sure you’re wearing an apron spattered with the contents of at least 7 milkshakes, and take your time serving them. They’ll really appreciate your dedication to the spirit of Braum’s! Bonus points if you pretend your home is a drive thru, and you have your guests pull forward to the backyard and wait in the heat to get their ice cream.

2. Change the Portion Size, but Tell No One.

Remember when Braum’s tried to slide it past us that they cut the size of their third-pound burgers to quarter pounders but kept charging the third-pound price? Well, we do. And we brought you the story in what should honestly be a Pulitzer-willing piece. (When will we get credit for reporting the important stuff?!) So, at your party, when someone asks for two scoops of ice cream, just serve them one. When they try to confront you about it, just ignore them and keep serving ice cream.

3. Dip Crinkle Cut Fries in Shakes.

Seriously. This is the most delicious thing that anyone can do at Braum’s. Braum’s fries are my favorite fries, and when you dip them in a chocolate shake, you’re basically getting as close to heaven on this shithole planet as you can. Why don’t we talk about this more often? Why doesn’t everyone do this? If you don’t already have lunch plans, you should do this today and see what I’m talking about. And then, make sure to serve it to your guests for your party. And remember, this is basically a healthy meal, because Braum’s shakes are a good source of protein.

And there you have it. Everyone is sure to have a great time at your party that you paid for but threw for Braum’s. Because that’s a normal thing that people do. But if you worry that maybe your guests aren’t having a great time, you can always threaten to buy out Classen Circle, and watch your guests get really angry.

Marisa wants everyone to try the Braum’s sauce with their chicken tenders the next time they go to Braum’s. It’s a delight. Follow her on Twitter.