How Oklahoma schools should handle medical marijuana

Hey! Did you guys know that Oklahoma legalized that medical jazz cabbage?! Even though the governor signed some nonsensical papers, lawsuits have been filed to prevent the changes to the state question that she’s made. Mary Fallin isn’t going to be known for accomplishing anything. She will, however, be known for letting her weird daughter live on the governor’s mansion property in a trailer.

So, as dispensaries pop up all around town, schools are prepping for the inevitable influx of goofy asparagus when students get their hands on it. According to NewsOK.com:

As Oklahoma prepares for a medical marijuana program that is still being developed, school leaders across the state have raised questions and concerns over the impact on students and school policy.

Officials with the state Department of Education have fielded numerous questions from district leaders related to medical marijuana and the department plans to issue guidance to schools next month…

The state Department of Education’s general counsel is also in the process of researching school policies in other states and said emergency rules on how schools should deal with medical marijuana could be presented to the state board in the coming months….

“A lot of schools are thinking about this and wondering what will happen,” said Susan Hardy Brooks, a spokeswoman with the Cooperative Council for Oklahoma School Administration, which has also been fielding questions from school leaders.

This got me to thinking. Schools are making a bigger deal about this than they should. All the teachers on the payroll can already tell you exactly which lockers are full of weed, and which students are going to be an issue. Also, let’s be real. All the bathrooms in the senior hallways at every school already have more marijuana than a dispensary ever will, but let me humor these folks.

Here’s how schools should deal with medial marijuana.

1. Let’s kids with prescriptions have their prescriptions.

Sure, teachers are used to busting kids with weed on campus, but if the kid has a prescription, let them have it. It stands to reason that if a student is in a state where they need medical marijuana, they’re probably in enough pain or distress that they’re not going to consider giving it to anyone else. Also, let’s be real. There’s enough dirt weed at every local high school for everyone who doesn’t have a prescription to partake to their hearts’ content.

2. Keep an eye on white boys named Rodney.

Remember that dirt weed I mentioned? If memory serves, white boys named Rodney tended to be the source of that weed. So, if you want to enforce something or get rid of the illegal weed, there’s a good chance that this Rodney fella has some in his Insane Clown Posse hoodie.

3. Don’t do anything.

Seriously. Everything will continue to function as it always has. And if you think there’s no weed at your school, bless your heart. Also, it’s not like teachers are making enough money to enforce drug regulations. They aren’t really making enough money to do all the things they do anyway.

4. Hope marijuana overtakes heroin usage.

I’m not the type of person to suggest that people with an addiction should swap out one chemical for another. But I am the type to hope that the kid who has never done drugs chooses to pick weed rather than heroin. Honestly, this is a good thing for local schools.

5. Enjoy the increased sales at the school cafeteria.

French bread pizza day in the medical marijuana era is going to bring so much money to the public education system, you guys.

Marisa has nothing against white boys named Rodney. Follow her on Twitter.