Oklahomans arrested for fighting with their huge cocks

The internet has been talking all month about Big Dick Energy. I still don’t really know what it is or what it means, despite all the tweets and think-pieces, but it sounds like a great thing to have. It’s at least gotta be better than ‘Adequate Size Energy,’ ‘It’s What You Do With It Energy,’ or ‘Is That Your Belly Button? Energy.’

Anyways, apparently some people in Oklahoma have been taking the concept way too far and ended up getting themselves arrested. You’d think if ya had a big cock, you’d be content to do your own thing and not go around fighting other people with it, but this KFOR article shows otherwise:

KIOWA COUNTY, Okla. – An Oklahoma humane society is caring for dozens of chickens after officials discovered a cockfighting ring in Kiowa County.

The Kiowa County Sheriff’s Office says it arrested 23 people connected to the ring. The suspects were all from Oklahoma, Texas and Mexico.

In all, officials found 56 chickens, but 16 of those were dead.

The Humane Society of Tulsa was asked to help rescue the chickens, who are currently being held as evidence.

 

OHHHHHHHH okay I see the mistake I made when I read the headline. See, there are boy chickens and there are girl chickens and they all have different names and… yeah, my mind is in the gutter. Regardless, I’m sure the word ‘cockfighting’ leads to some very colorful Pornhub search results. And a ‘cockfighting ring’ is an entirely different thing that you can maybe find at your local Patricia’s Erotic Boutique.

In all seriousness, it’s wild to me that this is still a thing in 2018. Don’t y’all got Netflix? Why do people have to rely on watching birds kill each other for entertainment? It’s messed up. They tape razor blades to the chicken’s little feets so they can deal max damage. It’s cruel and exploitative. Instead of fighting each other, I wanna see these cock bros rise up and overthrow their human masters, a coup of the coop, if you will.

Of course, I will eat a chicken now and then, but that seems like a less serious moral quandary. Factory farming is pretty fucked up and all, but at least those birds aren’t being forced into a deathmatch in front of dozens of shouting people waving crumpled dollar bills in a dank warehouse. Or, maybe the fighting birds have better lives because they can live out their primal instincts?

Ugh. There’s no right answer, so I guess I’m going vegan. Time to work on that Big Carrot Energy…