From our blessed mother Reba McEntire to the body fluids-obsessed Wayne Coyne, Oklahoma has produced many great musical artists. And it sounds like we are about to give the world at least one more. According to The Tulsa World, the American Idol tour bus will be stopping in Oklahoma City on Thursday September 6th to seek out the metro’s most talented performers and avoid Friday afternoon traffic on I-35. With the audition date being less than two weeks away, Oklahomans don’t have much time to practice. So to help you prepare, I have nominated myself to be your muse and chosen a few great songs that have boosted other Oklahoma musicians to stardom. Here are 7 ballads to sing if you want to nail your American Idol audition.
What to sing: If You See Him by Reba McEntire ft. Brooks and Dunn. But unless your voice can carry a tune in more than one octave, only sing Reba’s half of the lyrics.
Why this song: The heartbreaking secret pleas from Reba and Ronnie narrate a tale of love gone wrong that anyone can relate to. And if a judge doesn’t appreciate the heartbreak, they’ll at least understand the annoyance Reba feels when she sings “Deep down the fire still burns for him.” Because who wants gonorrhea?
What to wear: A black lace or corduroy shirt, sparkly ass jeans, and a cross necklace that’s at least as big as your palm.
What to sing: Lips of an Angel by Hinder. But actually try to sing it, unlike how what’s his face’s airy exhale attempts to carry the tune.
Why this song: Singing popular songs gets you noticed. And everybody knows this song. If it wasn’t your ringtone on your Motorola Razor in 2006, it was your coworker or 8th grade substitute teacher’s ringer.
What to wear: A white henley shirt, dark wash jeans, and a leather belt that matches your leather choker.
What to sing: the B.C. Clark Anniversary Sale Jingle.
Why this song: There’s little preparation needed to perform this song. Every Oklahoman can spit these lyrics faster than Zero can recite his TLO diss track. You’ve been practicing your whole life to drop this tune.
What to wear: Borrow one of those crazy hand knitted Christmas sweaters from your great-aunt. Bonus points if there’s bells stitched in and you can manage to jingle your outfit to the beat of the song.
What to sing: Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. But be sure to practice more than the chorus.
Why this song: It’s a power ballad. Singing Before He Cheats on national television is a great way to break into the music industry with force. Plus, nothing says “I’m the next American Idol” like singing a hit from a previous American Idol. Bonus points if you shoot a whiskey and keep your car key between your knuckles while you sing.
What to wear: An orange-ish yellow sundress or maroon paisley pearl snap and khakis. Also, wear an acoustic guitar around your shoulders. It doesn’t matter whether or not you can play it as long as the strap matches your outfit.
What to sing: She Don’t Use Jelly by The Flaming Lips. But keep in mind, you’ll have to sing both the lyrics and guitar riffs for full effect.
Why this song: To break the Oklahoma stereotype. The truth is, many of the songs on this here list are country ballads, not only because that’s what most Okies like, but it’s what we’re expected to sing. So sing this song to go against the grain. And to convince the judges that you don’t need their stupid ticket to Hollywood.
What to wear: Cosmic body paint and angel wings. And maybe tin foil somewhere.
What to sing: Beer for My Horses by Toby Keith. But “sing” is a loose concept here. Toby usually just kind of talks (slurs) his lyrics. You’ll probably have to practice this song with different types of booze to get the sound right.
Why this song: In today’s political climate, everyone is divided. We need an anthem that can bring us back together. One that can put “American” back in “American Idol.” And what’s more American than a song about drunk untrained vigilantes using their own version of morality as grounds to kill someone? If they don’t let you go to Hollywood with this song, the judges are basically saying they are anti-America.
What to wear: A baseball cap, American flag hanky in your back pocket, and a one size too small officially licensed Toby Keith “Should’ve Been A Cowboy” t-shirt.
What to sing: MmmBop by Hanson
Why this song: Why not? Plus everyone knows the chorus, but nobody knows the other lyrics. So it’s the perfect song to exercise your creativity by making up the rest.
What to wear: A short sleeve v-neck with a long sleeve crew neck underneath. Also, be sure to part your hair down the middle.
Of course Hayley would sing Fancy by the blessed mother Reba for her audition. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek