Happy Monday, everyone! We are basically half way through September this week, which basically means it’s Fall, which basically means it’s Halloween season. If you don’t believe me, go wade through the knee-deep pile of flammable Halloween costumes strewn about the Santa Fe Walmart in Edmond. That being said, this is about the time of year that I start collecting nightmare fuel in the form of renting scary movies. While doing so, I’ve noticed a theme in my spooky flicks: why are all ghosts from the 1700-1800s? People have surely died since then. This got me wondering. Whose spirit will be manifesting in the metro come 2118? Here’s my guess on the 7 ghosts who will be haunting OKC in 100 years.
Whether it’s for a long lost lover, to avenge your death, or to avoid seeing your family members in the afterlife, everyone knows that if you die and become a ghost you are basically destined to wander the earth eternally moaning about something. As evidenced by his pouty, whiney Bleacher Report interview from 2017 and time wasted responding to twitter haters, Kevin Durant will make an excellent OKC ghost because he’s got a lot of unfinished business here in the metro and is already eternally moaning about something.
Wayne Coyne’s personality and demeanor are like the product of a three-way between Donovan, Jim Henson, and the innards of my Roomba’s dustbin. Little known fact is that the Flaming Lips frontman is technically already haunting the metro. He’s an odd dude who makes a lot of people uneasy, and he already kind of looks the part for a ghost, so the afterlife just went ahead and let him in.
In a century or two, we can expect to see metro rapper Barbie Doll haunting the halls of her alma mater West Moore High School, where she filmed parts of her famous “Barbie World” music video. Because face it. If she can’t get over high school by the time she’s 22, there’s no hope for her to have moved on by the time she’s dead.
I doubt Mary Fallin will be the only governor who haunts the great chamber of our state’s capitol. But instead of spending her time scaring young pages and dusty old republicans with the cliché “boo,” I bet you she’ll be the world’s first ghost to get “booed” herself.
The Steve Lackmeyer apparition will likely be found roaming the halls of the Skirvin Hotel with Jack Money moaning about how newlyweds in 2118 fail to appreciate the way the crown molding of the hotel looks like someone carved Satan’s face into the walls.
Hollywood also often depicts ghosts as lost souls searching for something that they never acquired in life. What will Abigail be searching for? The right shade of lip gloss? Her dad’s approval? Some got-dang respect in this got-dang metro because contrary to popular belief she knows she got this KOCO gig through hard work, solid reporting, and nice eyebrows? We’ll find out in 100 years.
All of your high school classmates
Except for the senior class trip to Cancun, Padre Island or the Weatherford Corn Maize, you can bet that nobody’s left your hometown since high school graduation. In 2118 that Walmart parking lot where you spent your high school Friday nights will be converted into a historical site where EVP recorders will pick up quiet muffles of Linkin Park songs and rumors about who you slept with on prom night.
Hayley will see you in 2118 at Thai Delight on Broadway extension. But you won’t see her. Because she’ll be a ghost. Boo. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek