Last week, KFOR reported that Pastor Bob Long of St. Luke’s United Methodist Church used his Sunday sermon to discuss “incivility in our society at this time,” apparently referring to the way Judge Brett Kavanaugh was treated in his judicial confirmation hearing. For those of you living under a rock or whose only source of news is The Rush Limbaugh Show, Kavanaugh had been under fire throughout the hearing due to claims that he sexually assaulted a classmate in high school. So, it’s understandable that many people are upset about Pastor Bob’s service. So to help pastors to write a less controversial sermon, here are 5 topics pastors can preach about that don’t involve sticking up for Kavanaugh.
Comparing members of KISS to the Gospels
Use a sermon to discuss which of the 4 original members of KISS most closely represent the 4 Gospels. For example, do Peter Criss or Gene Simmons’ lyrical contributions most exemplify the Gospel of Mark? Come on, it’ll be fun. Plus, ya’ll can use Bible verses to justify anything, anyway.
The game “Never Have I Ever”
Growing up catholic, admitting to your sins was seen as a major component of spiritual growth. To encourage parishioners to own up to their sins, play a round of “Never Have I Ever” in your next service. People won’t feel as alone in their sins and we all know those old church ladies aren’t as pure as they lead on.
Made-up Bible verses
Now, this one isn’t as much of a “topic” as it is a goal. See how many Bible verses you can make up before someone calls you out. I’m a big personal fan of Psalm 27:4, which reads, “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there’s nothin’ left.” It’s a powerful one.
Dave Ramsey has made a name for himself by combining his Christian ideology with a guide for planning an airtight financial future. That’s cool and all, but is it really realistic for your parishioners? Why not have a sermon that praises your flock for their wild and crazy spending habits? Plus, nothing is a bigger buzzkill for the offering basket than a sermon on financial conservativism. And you gotta get paid.
Advice on sexual assault allegations
Sunday sermons are often written to provide helpful advice to right living in this modern world. With all of these allegations against prominent men coming to light and damaging, if not completely ending, their career prospects, it’s hard for young men to know what to do as they begin to make their places in the world. So thankfully as a minister you can use your authority granted by God to remind his young flock that the best way to keep such allegations from destroying young men’s lives is by them not sexually assaulting someone.
Hayley is your friendly local Craigslist minister. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek