Last week, Facebook posts about a “gold digging bitch” in Oklahoma City went viral across Facebook.
The story, which was picked up by just about every clickbait-dependant TV news website in America, shows Princess the dog “acting like she’s a stray so people will feel bad for her & feed her burgers” outside a McDonald’s drive-thru line in South Oklahoma City.
Although many people across the country got a good laugh at the post, I think Princess’s actions could be considered off-putting, if not outright offensive to most Oklahomans. So here are 5 reasons Princess the McDonald’s dog doesn’t represent Oklahoma values…
Princess accepts handouts
Aw we know, handouts are nothing but undeserved, unappreciated freebies taken by those who want to milk the system for everything its worth without actually earning the perks. Aside from the occasional lawmaker and cabinet member, no conservative would ever take anything they didn’t earn through hard work. Unlike Princess, who accepts handouts from McDonald’s patrons nightly! So to conservatives, this dog Princess is about to be promoted to a Queen–a Welfare Queen.
Princess doesn’t respect ‘family values’
If there is one thing conservatives hold in high regard, it is family values. Family values means incorporating high standards of morality that govern how members of the family live, and always putting the wellbeing of one’s own family before anything else. If this dog is willing to leave her family at nearly 9:00 at night just to get burgers, you know her values are not in order. Next thing you know this dog is going to be caught in a seedy motel room with a chihuahua and a bag of CBD oil-infused dog biscuits.
Princess is environmentally conscious
Whether it be for corporation regulations or promoting the idea that global warming is real so we’re all going to die a hot and polar bear-less death, the environmentally conscious don’t always see eye-to-eye with conservatives. And Princess the dog is such a tree-hugging hippie that she chose to walk to McDonald’s instead of going through the drive-thru in an F250 with a lift kit, so she definitely does not represent conservative values.
Princess isn’t a good Christian
Face it: this dog was caught red pawed out on the town on a Sunday-the Sabbath, for God’s sake. Grandma always said that nothing but sin happens after 9:00 at night. If this dog truly were a good Christian she would have been at home in bed, or at least coming home from Sunday evening services, by the time she was caught in line at McDonald’s. I guess not all dogs go to Heaven. Then again, if memory and archives of KFOR articles serve me right, not all conservatives in our legislature will probably go to Heaven, either.
Princess is female
Being that Princess isn’t male, I think a lot of conservatives are inherently going to have a problem with her.
Hayley represents family values. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek