Howdy folks, and welcome back once more to the decidedly light, yet still mildly disturbing, Fowler on Fowler, where I, Louis Fowler, will do whatever I can—including nudity—to see you in a gently-used automobile from our great, wheeling-dealing (but, sadly, not blood-related) pals at Fowler Volkswagen of Norman.
No matter who you are, a new (or new to you) car makes you feel like a member of high-quality breeding, like British royalty or a Kennedy. There’s something so persona-enhancing about the touch, feel, smell and taste of a new car that will transport and elevate even the lowliest among us into a glorious paean of beautiful self-esteem and raucous adventure.
Here are three cars I have selected below, from the Fowler VW website; if you’d like to test drive one, you better hurry though…I heard a nice, older lady is coming to take a look at all three of them later today:
2014 Acura RDX Technology Package
Internet Price: $15,998
This sleek sport utility vehicle—Acura RDX Technology Package—evokes fantasies of futuristic, high-tech living, even if the color is named after a fossil fuel. From the Carbon Black Metallic outside to remote keyless entry with integrated key transmitter to the Electric-Power Assist Speed-Sensing Steering on the inside, everything about this car screams joyous future-shock. Can’t you picture yourself zooming down a road brightly lit by a mixture of neon signs and movable billboards, desperately trying to get the two-terabytes of classified data out of your modem-skull before the notorious Cyber-Yakuza attacks? I can…and I have. Yes, driving the 2014 Acura RDX Technology Package is like living a cross between a Phillip K. Dick and William Gibson novel—but in a car!
2014 Volkswagen Beetle 2.0 TDI Certified
Internet Price: $14,998
The Volkswagen Beetle…a true classic, right? But, to be fair, this 2014 model ain’t your hippie parents’ old Beetle with that heinous scent of burnt patchouli wafting about and that extra loud exhaust pipe that you could hear for miles. No, this hatchback honey is a turbocharged mean-machine, ready to rock your world like meeting back up with your first lover for a torrid affair a few years later. And with the Beetle’s front-wheel drive, gas-pressured shock absorbers and—get this—a single stainless-steel exhaust, this’ll be the perfect car to do donuts in the parking lot of the old folks home as your mom and dad look forlorn out their single-room window, your ex-lover necking with you the whole time. Take that to Woodstock and smoke it.
2016 Dodge Challenger SXT
Internet Price: $19,489
I absolutely adore those well-choreographed car-chase flicks, but, unfortunately, when I’m behind the wheel, I am a law-abidin’, rule-followin’ son of a gun. All of those legalities, however, go right out the window, if I ever crawled into this 2016 Dodge Challenger SXT. With that sweet rack-pinion steering controlling the turns while the duel stainless steel exhaust with chrome tailpipe finisher blows that wicked emissions-controlled non-existent plume as I sensually pump the gas, I burn rubber though hospital zones, school zones and other places that tell me I can’t drive 25…oh, never mind, I guess I’m in jail now. Why do all my fantasies always end in some form of incarceration? Who knows, maybe you can win where I failed with the Challenger. Maybe.
This branded-content feature was produced by The Lost Ogle for Fowler VW. Pricing, availability and other details are subject to change without notice.