Well, Oklahoma, here we are on the morning after.
There were hopes that the ‘Blue Wave’ would strike our state, and that we would finally unchain ourselves from far-right politicians who are mostly concerned with keeping the oil barons flush with cash and natural resources. But looking at the poll results, political amateur Kevin Stitt overwhelmingly won the governor seat, and Republicans retained the majority of their seats.
After months (or years) of nagging Facebook posts and volatile political tweets, the election is over. The whole process, with our feedback chamber of supportive lefties, was like getting drunk and convincing your friends that you were gonna run a marathon the next day, or at least wake up in time for brunch. And like any good booze bender, there is a hangover to face when all is said and done. Whether yours is a literal ‘Oh God I had to drink to cope with the pain’ hangover, or the more existential ‘What do I do with my life now that the election is over?’ kind, here are 5 cures that can help you:
Drink More Water
Regardless of whether your hangover is vodka-induced, or from too much liberal hubris, it’s in your best interest to drink a bunch of water today. Self care is important during rough times, so stay hydrated. We’ve probably only got a few years left of clean and safe drinking water anyways, so get that good good while you can.
Drink More Alcohol
Hey, man is mostly water, and so is beer. It’s probably okay if you supplement your water for booze these days. After all, you can buy it at the grocery store, so it can’t be that bad. And if it helps you forget the fact that one of the most mediocre white men in Oklahoma is now our leader, drink up.
Booty Call Your Legislator
“U up? WYD?” Okay, we’re not exactly suggesting that you call up your house rep and invite them over for some Netflix & Chill. But perhaps give em a ring whenever they decide to do do things that make you feel particularly un-horny, like blocking Medicare expansion, or granting environmental protections to oil companies.
Pretend Like You’re Moving Away
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk” is a great quote from Hemingway. But he never applied that to the bold claims people make when hungover. Sometimes, it’s “I’m never drinking tequila again,” and other times “I’m sick of Oklahoma it’s finally time to move to a place where people understand me!” Today is the day to define a bold mission for yourself that you’ll never follow through with.
Go Back To Sleep
Whether it be a hangover of drunkenness or merely ruined pride, there is no better cure than to just turn your back to the world, pull the blankets up, and go back to sleep. It’s an easy way to transform the guilt and sadness about how you could have done better into sweaty dreams about the future.