Earlier this week, the new Show Biz Cinema Superplex in Edmond celebrated its grand opening with a lavish ribbon cutting ceremony.
The event featured a who’s who guest list of local dignitaries, media heads, and most importantly, Oklahoma karate star turned action movie star turned tv star turned right-wing pariah Chuck Norris. Here’s a photo from the ribbon cutting:
Sorry. Had to do it. As you probably know, back in the early days of the Internet, before blogs, social media, and millennials came along and ruined everything, the world wide web was a quiet, peaceful, harmonious place that people primarily used to watch porn, pay bills and read facts about Chuck Norris. As a result, it’s now impossible for anyone in the media to write about Chuck Norris and not reference those facts.
For example, check out this News 9 report. They sent the one reporter who has every Chuck Norris movie on Betamax, VHS, DVD and Blu-ray to cover it – Steve “Whiskey Sweat” Shaw.
Naturally, he led things off with a Chuck Norris fact:
Outside of starring in a Lethal Weapon movie, that had to be a dream come true for Steve Shaw. In a way, he’s kind of the Chuck Norris of the Oklahoma City media. For example, you can take any Chuck Norris fact and turn it into a Steve Shaw fact…
- Steve Shaw can speak braille.
- Steve Shaw counted to infinity–twice.
- Steve Shaw can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Steve Shaw puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”
- Steve Shaw doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
See what I mean? It totally works. Please share your favorite Steve Shaw fact in the comments.
Right wing pariah??? Oh God, please say it isn’t so!! Where will all us liberal commies go now that Russia is out? LOL
Well, I know one thing Chuck CAN’T do. He can’t act. He plays the same character all the time. Of course, he plays it well, and everybody loves that character, but that’s it.
Chuck Norton is to movies what Blake Shelton is to music. They both suck.
Bet ol Chuckster didn’t have anything like this happen to him on his visit…
https://www.rawstory.com/2018/12/cops-take-149000-black-dj-throw-jail-not-using-turn-signal-full-100-feet-changing-lanes/
Soon as he looks in a mirror, Chuck is gonna go stomp the shit out of the guy who sold him that toupee.
i actually lol-ed. Chuck Norris fact: astronauts walk on the moon. chuck norris walks on the sun!!!!
Heck…you can see the chinstrap for the fur helmet!
Wait! What? The Internet changed? When? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Does this mean I can’t pay my Chuck Norris Pornhub bill over the innerwebs by credit card anymore? Oh Dear Me!
Steve “Whiskey Sweat” Shaw. This is the best thing I have read all day. Personally, I love that wrinkled brow look of confusion he has when anyone explains anything to him. If News 9 fired him and “The Fat & Sassy Momma” they might stand a chance at being a real news station again. Then again if just sampled all her nasty fat and cholesterol ridden food the problem would take care of itself.
Chuck Norris was in Edmond and then the mayor died. Was Chuck settling grudges?
When Chuck Norris comes to town he doesn’t have to kill people.
They just die of fright!
(the mayor must have been a liberal in disguise)
Remember the Samurai Saki House? And Ichiro Takahata?
He was Chuckies Karate instructor…
ya ichiro was a big pervert!! used to hit sake house charlies on 63rd and biankas jazz club remember he would hit anything !!
Okay, can we go through the rest of our lives without one mention of one Chuckles Norris? Talentless wimp who can’t act and staunch supporter of the Russian colluder in the White House. If Chuckles was a true American hero, he’d be kicking and stomping the Russian colluder’s fat bottom all over the US for colluding with Russia to steal the election. Of course, Chuckles’ glasses are Republican tinted so he is legally blind. Course, he likely belongs in jail as well as the Russian colluder, not for support of the Russian colluder, but because he can’t act, or sing for that matter. When it comes to talent, he has all the talent of wood.