TLO Weekend News Recap

Merry Chrimbus Eve! I’m assuming those of you reading this are the unfortunate ones whose offices didn’t give them any extra time off this week. I’ll be working at a liquor store all day, which is my karmic duty for always being the guy coming in at 8:30pm the night before every major holiday. This will be our last News Recap of the year, so enjoy your holidays, and we’ll be back in 2019 with more stories you may have missed.

Thank God, We Stopped The Panhandlers

There has been a contentious ordinance in Oklahoma City to keep homeless people from panhandling on medians. It was spun as a way to keep people safe, but I haven’t been able to find any actual statistics stating pedestrian deaths involving traffic medians. Of course, outgoing councilwoman Meg Salyer, who was a proponent of the measure, applauded it being upheld:

Merry Christmas to all the destitute in OKC, indeed. Does this mean we could also get arrested for stopping on medians while crossing busy intersections with no crosswalks? Let’s not question if it’s the way our streets are designed for traffic that would make medians dangerous, as that would distract from the fact that this ordinance is clearly designed to keep people living in poverty out of sight and out of mind.

The Simpsons Did It First

Look, I’ve seen that episode (Season 9, episode 10). Bart accidentally burned down all the Christmas presents, so he makes up a story about a burglar making off with all the presents. Spoiler alert: things didn’t turn out very well.
Seriously though, this really sucks and I can’t imagine what kind of Wet Bandit-esque creeps would rob a house before Christmas.

#788

Is it really, though? I don’t see any reason to jump to conclus-

Nevermind. I rest my case.

Goddamn Streetcar!

Jumping entirely to conclusions, I’m going to go ahead and assume that this probably head something to do with the brand new OKC streetcar. Of course, that would mean that somebody who’s never driven in a real city got flustered when they saw public transportation and made some kind of major error.

Not Kidding Around

My partner is a serious marathon runner, so I’ve tried a few times over the years to get into it. Besides the fact that I’ve got a bum knee that begins to hurt after I’ve run more than a few miles, it’s just soooo booooring to me. What would make it more fun, however, would be a chubby lil goat following me as I jogged off all those empty beer calories.

Steven’s Sports Beat

The Thunder do have something special going now. OKC was down most of the night at the rocking house in Salt Lake. Fortunately for the Thunder, the Mormons were heading into the 4th quarter getting blitzed off whole milk and OKC was able to mount a comeback. PG was a monster, and is now the man on the court. Just like last week, I’m not ready to decree him THE star, but he should certainly be an All-Star with his teammate. You know who I mean.

Well done to Budweiser, for not only making an entertaining commercial, but also promoting responsible beer drinking. The only bad thing is most people would say drinking their corporate domestic brew is the same as drinking water, but at least now the Thunder from Down Under is a holiday feature.

Coach Stoops set the bar high when giving back to the community and visiting children in the hospital. Unfortunately, sometimes the TV camera has to be there when you’re playing keepaway with kids in wheel chairs. Now let’s see if LR can can follow Big Game Bob and win it all in his second season at the helm.

In only the fourth year of being handed out, the Sooners secured one of the most impressive pieces of hardware handed out in college football. Hopefully, it’s not a curse like The Heisman is to Oklahoma. Flo Rida, USC, Bama all seem to win the same year they play for a NC and win the Heisman. Oklahoma is 0-3, but at least we got to keep our Heisman (SC). Maybe this is the year…

No one is picking Oklahoma to even be competitive, let alone win. This ma ybe the year, if the Sooners can play a little defense and Bama overlooks the other Crimson team. They’ve done it in the past.

I don’t know if the Sooners recruited this kid and missed out on a chance to have the last name of “Boomer” on the sidelines. How ironic he’s going to Stillwater and will be wearing orange.