The Best Photos from the 2019 Speaker’s Ball…

As we mentioned yesterday, the Oklahoma Speaker’s Ball made its triumphant return to the Cowboy Hall of Fame this past weekend, after taking 2018 off due to bad optics.

The non-profit event – which is hosted by the Speaker of the House, benefits a non-profit and is bankrolled by the Oklahoma ruling class – is basically an excuse for legislators to wine and dine with lobbyists, campaign donors, fixers, secret mistresses and other elected officials, before they get to work screwing over the Oklahoma people.

Well, at least that’s my interpretation of what it is. Here’s how they describe it:

The Oklahoma Speaker’s Ball is an exciting tradition, first begun by the late Oklahoma Speaker of the House of Representatives, Rex Privett, in an effort to develop and build rapport between members of the House and their spouses prior to the start of the legislative session. The tradition has endured, but also expanded to include all those who have a hand in the legislative process, including other lawmakers and elected officials, business and community leaders, and advocacy groups.

Although it’s an “exciting tradition,” The Speaker’s Ball isn’t heavily promoted to the public or media. For some reason, I guess the establishment isn’t too eager to put the spotlight on politicians and lobbyists dressed in prom attire and mingling in line at the cash bar.

Fortunately, we were able to gain access to a password-protected photo gallery from the event, via the Ogle Mole Network. It contains a motherload of funny, easy-to-mock photos of unphotogenic white church folk, wearing ill-fitting dresses and tuxedos.

In the name parody, satire and providing top-notch news coverage of the secret lives of public officials (a.k.a. fair use), we thought it would be fun to take a look at some of our favorite photos and provide First Amendment-protected criticism and commentary about them.

We’ll get started with some of TLO Regulars who were in attendance. Governor Kevin Stitt was there, but he did a pretty good job avoiding cameras. This is probably the best one:

Geeze. Is that guy the Governor of Oklahoma or a groomsman who’s getting a bit too handsy with a bridesmaid? Although the reactions of people in the background suggest otherwise, I’m sure it’s all innocuous. He’s probably just mansplaining Georgia mortgage banking regulations.

Our old pal State Senator Paul Scott attended the Speaker’s Ball. Remember him? He’s the social media guru who made fun of the looks of a constituent’s husband on Facebook.

Back in 2018, Paul shared a Bill Clinton sexual assault joke on Facebook. He got mad at us, when — in response — we observed that his wife kind of resembles a hotter version of Monica Lewinsky. As a result, and in the name of “a little political humor,” I made a quick alteration to the pic in Photoshop:

That’s better.

Here’s a photo of Rusty Cornwell and his wife. He’s the lawmaker who goes on all-inclusive Kid Rock Party Cruises with his wife, which means they probably got pre-drunk on corn whiskey before the ball, because they couldn’t afford the cash bar.

Wow. Rusty is almost unrecognizable when he’s not wearing his signature white tank top. Although you can’t see it, I heard he stitched bedazzled rhinestone eagle wings on his back pocket.

We were surprised to learn that wannabe local Instagram model Kendal Frayer was in attendance. We wrote about Kendal and her high dollar divorce from the Key Car Dealership guy a few weeks back. She’s apparently now running around with a thinner version of that actor from The Big Bang Theory:

That’s nice. She was probably there to lobby for plastic surgery reform.

State Rep Kevin Wallace was at the event. Here he is, taking a selfie with his child support attorney, State Rep. Chris Kannaday.

That’s funny. I bet they were sending a photo to his ex-wife explaining why he can’t afford to pay child support!

State Senator Paul Rosino was at the ball. He’s the guy who colluded with a school superintendent and other lawmakers to defame an Oklahoma teacher:

I try to avoid making fun of people named Rosino because I assume they’re all in the mafia, but I have to ask, what’s going on with that lady’s hair? Did she only have enough money to cut one side of her head, or did she go with the two-hairstyles-in-one special at her local Great Clips? “I’ll take half Kate Gosselin and half sunday school teacher, please.” I bet her life is like one constant Head & Shoulders commercial ,where one side tingles more than the other.

There were lots of new lawmakers in attendance that we haven’t written about yet on this site, but probably will eventually. Let’s introduce them. We have…

State Senator Slappy McHeehaw

State Rep Johnny Longhand

State Senator Paul Shart

There were probably about one thousand or so photos in the archive, so we don’t have the time or fair use rights to share all of them. That being said, here are the photos, along with awards we’re giving them…

Most Likely to Have Rented Their Outfits at Masquerade

I think they’re the only place in town that rents soft beige tuxedos.

Best Use of Bad Caesar Haircut

Dude. Do everyone a favor, and cut that thing off.

Best Use of Feeling Underdressed in Jeans

I bet they thought the Cowboy Hall of Fame was a club in Bricktown.

Couple Most Likely to Rob a Stagecoach

I think this couple may be a Cowboy Hall of Fame exhibit that came to life.

Best Brosephs

I bet they can’t wait to go the next Fyre Festival.

Best Guy That Really Needs to Pee

Always make sure to go before the photo.

Best Use of Outfits That Can Be Worn to a Christmas Party

They were probably wondering why there weren’t any poinsettias in the backdrop.

Best Guy Who Appeared in a High School Yearbook Photo With Me

That’s good old Mac Mullings, with 1520 KOMA Newstalk 1000 or whatever. We go way back!

Okay, things are starting to get weird. I guess I should wrap this up. I’d like to thank all the people in the photos who are not named Paul Scott for being involuntary participants in this roastfest. Also, if you ever need event photography, be sure to use Colorband Photo Artisans. I hope they’re very nice, forgiving people.

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37 Responses

  1. OMG, worst dressed group of people I’ve ever seen! Please gawd, don’t let people from other states find this – we are already the laughing stock of the USA.

  2. This makes me want more Best of the State Fair photos.

  3. Looks more like a poorly themed Swinger’s party, the kinda stuff nightmares are made of..

  4. I bet that lady with half a haircut/style wants to speak with a manager, no matter where she goes..

    1. I had to fight my sip of milk flying out of my mouth and nose at this!!

  5. Is that Tess Teague in the first photo?

  6. Love it!! Thanks for my afternoon belly laugh!!

  7. Didn’t Mary F. get invited? Has she ridden off into the sunset? Oh well, she’ll resurface when Inhofe decided to retire or crashes his plane, whichever comes first. That’s the only job she hasn’t had, US Senator, so she’ll have to run for it. And probably win, sad to say.

  8. Hilarious!
    Makes me feel a whole lot better about being my broke self.

  9. Duke of Shartel, you made me LOL at ….’ask to see the manager.’ And the last-minute tossed together Swinger’s party after making ‘new friends’ on “Lost Connections’ on Craigslist.

  10. Yeah, a choice between being with THIS crowd or being poor, I’d take the POOR.

  11. I laughed so hard I peed a little. Thank you!!

  12. Classic TLO stuff. Thanks!

  13. Oh. My. Gosh…!

  14. Only in Oklahoma can people who look and dress like this get elected to office.

  15. To quote Jay Leno, “Politics is just show business for ugly people.”

  16. Your pettiness, inspires me. Thank you !!!

  17. Rusty Cornwell can well afford his drinks because he’s married to Theresa Caputo, The Long Island Medium.

  18. Don’t you just hate it when those little hanger straps show on sleeveless dresses? That poor lady in red!

  19. For God’s sake don’t photoshop Kendall Frayer with Happy McHeehaw and make some comment. If I laugh any harder I’m gonna pass out. Hope you know you’ve set a pretty high bar for humor. Sometimes the readers can overtake you in that department. Looks like everyone pretty much threw up their hands on this one..

  20. For God’s sake don’t photoshop Kendall Frayer with Happy McHeehaw and make some comment. It’s so hard to find something to really laugh about these days. Hope you know you’ve set a pretty high bar for humor. Sometimes your reader’s comments are as funny as the article itself. Looks like everyone pretty much threw up their hands on this one.. Great!

  21. Come as you are…. as you were…. as I want you to be…. Kurt cobain

  22. Specifically, the Oklahoma ruling class has bankrolled every speaker’s ball. In 2016, Ben Harris, the CEO of the profitable non-profit – Community Strategies, contributed $5,000 to the event. Ten percent of Epic Public School’s state aid goes to Ben Harris. Since Epic’s state aid package will be in excess of $100 million this year, $10 million in public school state aid appropriations will go directly to Mr. Harris. Does anyone know what ruling class member bankrolled this year’s version?

  23. Tip of the hat to Kendal’s plastic surgeon. That’s a quality set of bolt-ons!

    1. They even overflowed up into her lips.

  24. So when will you post a picture of yourself on here so others can make rude/crude comments about YOUR looks. Just remember the old saying “jealousy will get you nowhere”. Instead of making fun of people, why don’t you just stay focused on your dislike of every single thing having to do with the management of Oklahoma. Better yet, why don’t you make a run for an office and make a change!

    1. Ha ha, Timbo!
      It’s funny because you’re an idiot.

    2. What a horrible life you must have.

    3. I guess we will see you in the next General Election then … Timbo For Senate or Represenative of your District or is it ” Do as I say Not as I do

    4. +1

  25. “…an effort to develop and build rapport between members of the House and their spouses prior to the start of the legislative session.”

    Um…what? So without this event, legislators’ relationships with their spouses would suffer?

  26. Smashing return to form, Patrick.
    Best laugh since the final State Fair photo comp.
    Please, more of this!!!

  27. I think that dude in the blue jeans is my state rep!! Lordy, when can I vote against him again?

    This could be renamed The Trailer Trash Hoedown.

    1. is he already old enough to be in office?

  28. So freakin funny! I needed a good laugh 😂

  29. Bring back the Fair photos!

  30. And I actually had hope things might get better. Thanks for crushing my spirit, Lost Ogle.

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